Revealed Wonders

MOVING DAY!

2010-04-29T22:22:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that Word Press is far superior in ease of formatting and customization.

So, here I am: http://revealedwonders.wordpress.com/

Just Thoughts

2010-02-13T22:53:00.000-08:00

I think there's more to explore in this idea, but I thought I'd share it anyway.

Regarding salvation, I've faced a great deal of mental difficulty in trying to resolve the dichotomy that is described in the "free will vs. predestination" argument.

If we're free, how can God know what we're going to do? But, if he doesn't know, then He's not really omniscient. He is omniscient... Is predestination (the theory of God's having hand-picked certain people to follow Him before creation even happened) the only option?

I see the disconnect. Recently, I can't help but wonder if it is a result of our way of knowing.

Our "knowing" is faithless. It comes after. We see something, then we extrapolate meaning from that thing. And, we "know" that meaning because we have seen proof of it. Before this proof, we could've only theorized or guessed. To us, things that are knowable are reoccurring. So, our way of "knowing" is based on the fact that we are not in control. If I was in direct control of a situation, I could know something without need for proof. I could also know something before it happened. I could know something before the "how" of the knowing ever came into question.

Perhaps, God "knows" everything simply because He is in control, and not because everything has been determined already...

Chicken Nuggets

2010-01-14T22:54:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I wonder if God is just banging His head on the fridge when He thinks about me. I wonder because, for all of my witticisms and efforts to charm and banter with ease, I get spiritually retarded every once in a while. In fact, most of the time that I'm just not getting it, I don't even realize how off I am.

I heard Donald Miller give an interesting message on Father's Day '09 [Yes, I realize it was 7 months ago... see above]. Actually, I don't remember much of it. But, the fact that I'm bringing it up now means that what I do remember must have been interesting. He talked about this time he had dinner with a very nice family. In this family was a 4 year old girl who had just discovered the wonder that is the chicken nugget.

As everyone sat around the table waiting to enjoy the meal the mother and father were setting out, the little girl, having surveyed the scene and having realized there were no nuggets on the table, scrunched up her nose and asked in a slightly perturbed 4-year-old squeak, "Where are the chicken nuggets?".

The father calmly replied, "We aren't having chicken nuggets tonight."

Immediately, the cogs began turning in the child's mind and the civility of her countenance faded. She did what all children do when they can't get their way. She threw a fit. Wailing and screaming and crying out against the injustice of her father's tyrannical rule [obviously using smaller words], she was making quite a raucous when her father sat back and said, "I've got all night. You're not getting chicken nuggets. Come to the table and eat what I've prepared for you."

Can you hear the echoes of your own story in his words? I can definitely hear mine.

Frequently, I am of the opinion that my problems are vast and possibly paradigm shifting. Of course, I'm talking about a very localized paradigm shift. However, I tend to be pretty narcissistic when it comes to problems, so any uncontrolled changes in my life seem pretty huge to me.

Thanks to this story, I have begun to realize just how menial and insignificant are the major problems of my life when compared to an infinitely vast, infinitely experienced, infinitely benevolent God. He has the big picture, and I'm just a whiny kid [in a spiritual sense]. In my ignorance, I don't appreciate all of the things God does for my well being. I have no idea about nutrition and spiritual vitamin deficiencies [work with me on the metaphor here]. I just want the chicken nuggets that brighten up my evenings.

In my seemingly unshakable state of ignorance, I fail to realize that what I want may not be what's best for me. What I want may not be what I need. My own desires may not be enough to sustain me completely. They might just be chicken nuggets.

That's not even the craziest part. The craziest part is how important my chicken nuggets are to me. And, I seriously doubt that I'm alone in this. How many of us continue to pray about the same things over and over until prayer becomes a chore. We pray to remind God that we're still passionate about that one thing that we're always bringing up. We pray to get what we want and attempt to maintain some aspect of control instead of praying His kingdom come and His (sometimes incredibly mysterious and terrifying) will be done. We pray to stagnate instead of to grow. Well, at least I do.

So, what exactly is it about the unknown that's so scary? Why fear boiled asparagus? Do we think that our God, who cooks up some really amazing stuff, will give us something unpalatable? Maybe. But, shouldn't we, in that case, realize that He's just giving us what we need to grow? Maybe before we scrunch our noses, we should remember that God has made preparations for us that take more into account than we realize. Before we scrunch our noses, we should remember that God has been around for eternity. I imagine He has an incredibly sophisticated palate. And, the things we hold onto so tightly and yearn for so stubbornly: they might just be chicken nuggets.

At the end of the day, however long the day is, we're not getting what we whine for anyway. We just need to sit down at the table and eat what He has prepared for us. Now, I'm not saying that we give up on chicken nuggets forever. That would be a horrible mistake. We do, however, need to realize that chicken nuggets are best when we don't have to whine for them.

Too often, I treat the problems I'm praying about with such an intense gravity that God probably chuckles. Too often, I fail to remember that everything is within His grasp. I fail to remember that He truly is in control. He's the one with the mysterious plastic card that works outside of my understanding, while I'm just a little kid trying to understand what happiness is. With hardly a thought and a swipe, I could be given the box of nuggets I want so badly...but only if the time is right. And, I don't get to make that call.

This is a bit extensive for an analogy, but I sometimes find it so accurate that it's scary. That needs to change.

It's taken a while, but this story has slowly shifted my perception of the worth of my problems to God. It's terrifying and beautiful. I mean, I'm a little selfishly disappointed sometimes when I realize that my problems are just chicken nuggets. More so though, I'm in awe of the vastness of God. How could I even think that my problems are so important? My greatest fears and most difficult challenges are as insignificant to God as chicken nuggets. In fact, everyone's fears and challenges are just chicken nuggets. Still, he loves us. Still, he wants to spend His time with us. He loves us even when we whine and throw fits.

I guess that's what it all comes back to in the end. He loves us regardless. It's truly unconditional...

My prayer is that God would expand our palates and we would accept what He prepares for us even when it doesn't include chicken nuggets.

Something To Consider

2010-01-12T01:33:00.001-08:00

Important Note: Johnny and Greg are fictional characters with names that I consider to be common. If you are named Johnny or Greg/you have a friend named Johnny or Greg, you're crazy if you think I'm talking about you/them.

That said, consider the following hypothetical situation:

Johnny is a slave to his sins. He knows that he's a bad person, but isn't convinced that following Christ is a better way to live. His words are poison, and his acts despicable. However, he is of such a disposition that he would accept that Christ's Way is better if certain conditions were met. Johnny has no idea what these conditions are. But, they are the type of conditions that many nonbelievers unknowingly possess.

God knows what these conditions are and lovingly longs for these conditions to be met. His love is extraordinary, for He yearns to welcome Johnny into His family despite Johnny's horendously storied past. The Holy Spirit moves upon Greg, His follower, urging him to do a thing, the thought of which makes Greg feel uncomfortable. This uncomfortable thing would result in the meeting of those conditions that would lead to Johnny realizing that Christ's Way really is the best. Unfortunately, Greg isn't really listening to the Spirit. He's having a particularly difficult day. His expectations have been defied; he's feeling pretty down. The opportunity is missed.

The week proceeds as it normally would for Johnny. And, after a raucous weekend party, Johnny drives himself home in a dazed stupor. His drive, and his life are cut short by a lapse in judgement that results in a head-on collision with a tree.

Johnny had made most of his decisions in life carefully. However, the most important decision, choosing Christ, was one that he never made. Now, he realizes the consequences of his mistake. But, it's too late. The death he dies stays with him as he discovers the horrors of seperation from the Creator. His eternity will be a hopeless collection of the wages of his sins [Romans 6:23].

Greg has no idea. He never finds out. His only clue to the life-altering opportunity he missed is a slight feeling of emptiness. To Greg, its just "one of those days".

It should not be misunderstood that Greg is a man who walks in righteousness. He is an inspiration to his Christian brothers and sisters and a joy to be around. It was just a missed opportunity. That's all. It was just one time, one day, that Greg "just wasn't feeling very spiritual". He had no idea that God was planning to use his crappy day to reveal the beauty of Christ to Johnny. Greg had no idea that his particular circumstances could have been used to glorify God and bring salvation to Johnny, who was just as precious to the Lord as Greg. He had no idea because He "just wasn't feeling very spiritual".

-----

I just thought of this situation after reading through the beginning of Romans. Chapter 4, verse 5 speaks of a God who justifies the wicked. That's our God. He welcomes all the scum to Him and loves us. I guess the Spirit is really moving on me tonight, because this hit me really hard. I started typing, and this is what has come out. And, the horrific gravity of this situation is really hitting me because I know there have been days where I might have been a Greg. I wonder how many Johnny's have been lost to sin on account of my selfish ignorance. It shakes the core of me to think of it...

I've been struggling lately with the idea of free will and predestination and all that. Part of me keeps protesting the unfairness of His love as if it's something to be protested. I wonder sometimes how God, whose will is that none shall perish [2 Peter 3:9], could create those whose choices will lead them to destruction. I realize now that my objections have been falsely based on my previous assumption that men somehow deserve life. The wisdom of the Spirit has led me to to the realization of the falsehood of this assumption.

God, in His incredible, awesome, terrifying love for us, has given us the ability to reject Him. I believe He has done this because love requires choice. It cannot be forced. Love is a series of actions and decisions. It's breath-taking and heart-moving and wonderful. It's so many things. Describing love stretches the bounds of the language in which it is described as it challenges the understanding of the one striving to describe it. Love is a life-filled and life-filling word.

Love is most assuredly unsafe. For, love requires the possibility of rejection. I can't help but think that the intense vulnerability required by love, its total inability to be forced, may be one of its most beautiful aspects. God, in His incredible, awesome, terrifying love for us, has given us the ability to reject Him.

In His overwhelming goodness, God creates us and gives us the freedom to choose. Perhaps we, in our unbound narcissim, protest the state of things. "It's not fair!" we say. "This world is in shambles. Its brokenness is palpable. How can we accept a God who allows the world to be like this?"

We forget that this brokenness is only apparent where goodness lacks. And, we observe this lack because we are already aware of God's present goodness. We complain only when we ignore our own awareness of the fact that we are presently living in a world in which God also lives. His divine attributes are clearly recognizable because we are His creation. So, we have no excuse. [Romans 1:20]

Man lives in the recognition of the presence of an infinitely loving God. And still, man rejects God. The excuses are totally lacking in substance. Man deserves to die. Man deserves separation. But God has other plans.

God wants to save the world. That's why He sent Jesus.

I'm typing this now after having been given a piercingly thorough education on the incredible magnitude of the implications of Christ's death and resurrection. But, I'm still dumfounded at the thought of it. The nearest analogy I can think of is wholly inadequate. But, I'll do my best to explain my disorientation.

It's like this... Suppose I were to create little snowmen out of play-doh. Suppose that I created them, and was miraculously able to give these things sentience. Then, suppose one of the pink ones decides that he'd rather squish himself into strings and painfully reassemble himself than spend time with me. He doesn't like that I won't talk to him when he looks like spaghetti. He thinks I cramp his style. I imagine I would be greatly offended. I'm not sure that I'd be emotionally hurt, but I can definitely imagine becoming angry at this pink one and the multitudinous following that has started making tawdry shapes out of my name and smoothing out the impressions my fingerprints left when I made them.

Now, I don't have a son. So, I am at a loss when it comes to describing father-son relationships unless I do so from the side of the son (in which case, the words would practically type themselves). Still, it would be absolutely ridiculous for me to sacrifice anything precious to me (especially something as precious as my son) in order to recruit the allegiance of any of these worthless play-doh snowmen. I just can't imagine it. But God can.

God has such a supreme softness of Spirit that He can love sentient dirt sculptures. I'm totally dumbfounded at the thought and simultaneously overwhelmed by it. What claim could I, a sentient dirt sculpture, possibly make that would warrant me to deserve even a moment with my Creator. There is no claim. No one is less deserving. Yet, He, The Great and Mighty, wants to spend eternity with me. And, he doesn't want me to sit on a mantle or anything. He wants us to get to know each other. He wants to party. And, He KNOWS how to party. (His Son's first miracle was saving a party in distress [John 2:1-11].)

What's more, He's told me to invite others. He's given me the power to represent Him to everybody in the hope that more will join us in our never-ending party. So, how incredibly selfish am I if I don't invite everybody? Answer: really really extremely mind-bogglingly selfish. As selfish as Greg was without even realizing it.

My prayer is that we, as priests in the Kingdom of Heaven, whose job it is to accurately represent our loving God to everyone else, would be constantly sensitive to the sometimes uncomfortable promptings of the Holy Spirit. My prayer is that we wouldn't be too caught up in just trying to survive the day that we forget to live like we're going to party for eternity. My prayer is that we, as the Body of Christ, would overcome our ignorance by the power of the Spirit in us [Acts 1:8], with which all things are made possible [Matt. 19:26].

Though this is as much for me as it is you, don't ignore that feeling you're feeling right now. It's deliberate. Let it soften you and inspire you to love as you are loved. Because, you are very loved. You are beyond precious. Never forget that. Live like you haven't forgotten that. The God who lovingly created you knew you'd read this. It's for you, right now. If you listen, right now, the Spirit will speak to you. Don't let this be a Greg moment.

2009-11-29T09:59:00.000-08:00

They lined the streets with silence, a somber sense of reflection filling the void of their words. A hero was gone...

He was not gone by his own choice. He had been full of life. It spilled out of the laughter that inevitably followed all of his escapades. We couldn't help but love him. There was life in every hug he gave and hand he shook. He was full of it. It infected everyone around him. The choice of death was not in him.

They smiled softly as their memories ran to him, stayed with him. Slowly, the memories turned into stories to be shared. Though their smiles faded as eyes clouded with the regret of time lost, the depth of their feelings lingered on. They were filled with sorrow at having to reminisce so soon. But, they did. And, though the joy of experience was now changed into mere fondness of memory, it brought color to the dark situation...

Life infected everyone around him. It was contagious. Sometimes, it seemed like he was immune to the gravity of severe situations, as if pressure couldn't find him. He had a certain lightness of spirit. However, he was not without a sense of honor. He had honor to spare. Indeed, it was an honor just to know him. He brought everyone around him to their most lively states. His life could only be described as "full". The choice of death was not in him.

There they stood in the darkness, the silence pierced only by the toll of their grief, each tear ringing out a haunting, "Why?". The toll was great, though they knew the answer before their aches asked the question. The answer was a small comfort...

Though the choice of death was not in him, his great sense of honor led him to sacrifice. His comfort for our comfort. His freedom for our freedom. His life for our lives. It was a sacrifice made necessary by a war much bigger than he was. And, I'm absolutely sure that, had he known the great cost, he would have chosen sacrifice every time the chance was presented. He wasn't one to back down. He was a doer through and through. And, his final act, fighting for the freedom of so many, touched us all. His sacrifice was much bigger than he was.

They knew he had died for them. And, their grief was overwhelming. The pressure that couldn't find him instead found them and loosed their tears. Tears of sorrow and fondness and anguish and remembrance and love. And, the only comfort they found was in Christ. For, he had been a follower. They knew it was only a matter of time. They would see him again in a place full of life, devoid of the anguish and sorrow of loss. They would see him again, so they knew it was only a matter of time. Still, their tears rang out for the time with him that they had lost...

Slowly, healing will come. Slowly, the scar of sorrow will mend. But, it will not be forgotten. He will never be forgotten.

-In Loving Memory of Shawn Patrick Hefner

12/04/1986 - 11/13/2009

Life Changes

2009-10-03T23:45:00.000-07:00

If you read my posts before this, you know I'm a bit frustrated with the current state of evangelism at UT. That frustration is probably the closest I've ever come to a feeling of righteous indignation (I'm not sure it is possible to be righteously indignant, but the phrase will probably bring an accurate picture to the minds of those in "my circle" who read this). I think the frustration is the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I think so because it has "born fruit". In my frustrated sauntering, an idea hit me that seems beautiful and daunting to me. I don't usually think of ideas that are simultaneously beautiful and daunting, so I'm confident this idea is more of the Holy Spirit's prompting.

Here's the deal: UT is filled with an incredible amount of passionate people who are probably more aware of the importance of life than they have ever been before. This awareness inspires them to act in accordance with their beliefs so that others might catch whatever visions they have. And, the most visible, action is "tabling". Organization representatives rent tables from the UT Tower and set them up in the adjacent West Mall, probably the most frequented place on campus. The representatives talk to passersby about the values of their organization and try to illicit membership or funds or give away SWAG [Stuff We All Get] or literature containing organizational information.

I pass these people on a regular basis when I'm going in and out of the Texas Union (which has incredibly comfy chairs upstairs that are excellent for naps, on two of which I am currently sitting). I pass these people, but I'd never thought much about them until I spent the day listening to the leading of the Spirit. Finally, I did think about them. Thought:

"Why hasn't anybody set up a table to champion the love of Christ to whoever's interested?"

There is nothing I'm more passionate about than the awesome love of Jesus Christ. He died for our sins so He could be resurrected and free us from them. But, I have never dedicated even part of my schedule to spreading the news about it. I've dedicated blocks of time to studying all of the implications of this fact, to my own spiritual self improvement. But, I've learned nothing if I haven't learned the importance of sharing the good news. Things are taking a turn for the better now. My life is being changed by an inspiration for action. This "tabling for Jesus" idea has been ruling my think-space for a while now. And, it has definitely been a God thing.

I think it's pretty crazy how unintentionally synchronized the church can be. I don't mean that the church intends to be chaotic or anything. Obviously, pastors and speakers want to say the things God puts on their hearts. But, there's no published nationwide agenda for Christian teachers that I've ever seen. Still, it's not uncommon for the messages from different church bodies to coincide with each other.

My dormant passion for evangelism was rekindled first by a message given by Matt Carter at the Austin Stone. He spoke on the first chapter or two of the book of Acts. In his sermon, he pointed out something I'd never noticed before. Acts 1:8 says

You shall receive power after the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria and the end of the earth.

The part I'd never noticed is the "you shall be" part. You shall be. That means, what we are after the Holy Spirit begins to dwell with us is witnesses. We are witnesses. Until I heard that, I thought I was an engineering student who was also a follower of Christ. But, that's not the case. I'm a follower of Christ who is also an engineering student. Everything that defines me is secondary to my being a witness. The Holy Spirit comes upon you. Then, you shall be. It's so definite and final. You shall. It's not an optional thing that you can choose not to participate in or something. Witnessing is not what you do, it's who you are. This blew my mind.

The Thursday following that Sunday message, I went to my small church meeting (West Campus Community Group). The topic of discussion? That's right: evangelism. It was pretty perfect because I had been reading 1 Peter which is full of instructions for believers and includes a verse that I've always clung to for motivation:

Sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear. 1 Peter 3:15

Turns out, that was the first verse that was brought up in discussion. Afterwards, I told the mini-church about the "tabling for Jesus" concept and was met with excitement. Since I had to rush off to tutoring, I couldn't stay around long to talk ideas, but I had already collected the necessary form to make it happen. So, I gave that to my friend (and Student Organization Chair), Austin, to sign. He's going to talk to the Hyde Park youth group leader to make sure everything we think to be okay really is okay. Afterwards, we're doing this.

I'm excited, to say the least.

The following weekend, I went to church with my parents while I was in SA. The sermon, as it turns out, was about 1 Peter 3:15. So, I guess I need to be ready now more than ever...

To me, this whole series of events is pretty awesome. It's like God has spoken to me, and everything is just lining up and falling into my lap. Honestly, I am a little terrified of sitting there at the table, having no clue what will happen. But, I know that I'm in this specific place at this specific time because I've been lead here. So, this is just the next thing to do.

If you're reading this, and you haven't spent a day listening to the Spirit, I think it's time you do. Crazy awesome things happen when God speaks.

Regardless

2009-09-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, my life doesn't go along with my plan for it. I'm a planner. I spend a great deal of time thinking about what is to come. In fact, I probably spend more time thinking about the future than I do the present. Naturally, with all that thinking comes planning. I don't think I'm very unique in that aspect either. Of course, I tend to think that everyone is similar to me. Still, I've never met someone who had no answer when I asked, "What's your plan?"

Sometimes, my life doesn't match up with the plans. And, it's frustrating and confusing. It's frustrating because plans tend to lead to expectations. It's incredibly difficult to never expect anything. It's confusing because I love Christ. My entire identity is encapsulated in Him. Without Him, who is Curtis? I have no idea. So I seek further intimacy with Him all the time. I long to see as He would see and decide as He would decide. What's more, I have this great resource in the Bible to draw upon for direction. The Bible is full of situations similar to mine regardless of which situation I'm in at the time. And, knowing all of this, it becomes easier to recognize which way would be right; not most right necessarily, but right none the less.

When something in life doesn't match the plans, two options are presented: resist what doesn't match or change the plans. Actually, there are many more options, but simplicity is nice. Anyway, it's rarely easy to be sure which of the two options is best to take. That's where things get confusing.

At times like those, it's important to remember that we don't know the whole story. Information is incredibly limited. I guess the only feasible option is the unlisted one: wait on God. He knows what's behind everything: the reasons, intentions, actions. He knows where it's all going. He knows which way is most right. He knows and leads when we wait. So, waiting is the only option. If only it were as easy to do as it is to type...

Who is Jesus?

2009-08-26T13:44:00.000-07:00

As I was walking from the Co-op (campus book/memorabilia store) to the Tower, I was approached by four different people trying to hand me missionary stuff. Three of them were trying to give me a green, pocket-sized New Testament (plus Psalms and Proverbs) while the other one tried to hand me a track (why are they called "tracks"?) that was also a church advertisement. Two of the them were successful. This is my third pocket New Testament. If anybody wants it, message me somehow.

Anyway, this impersonal, semi-invasive way of "witnessing" got me thinking about the real deal. That's right, I don't consider the handing out of tracks to be the real deal. I'm not saying it's bad to hand out tracks or Bibles, but I think it's a bit delusional to expect to attract people to Christ that way. We know that the Word of God is never useless or ineffective [Isaiah 55:11]. So, someone is definitely benefitting from the hand-outs. But, if I wasn't in love with Jesus and someone handed me a Bible before I could think to politely refuse, I would view it as Christian propaganda and set it on an elevated flat surface in a place to which I didn't plan on returning.

I tend to be judgmental in my decision-making though, so I'm trying to be more open-minded and discerning. Then again, I'm only trying to be so because I'm in love with Jesus. He makes me want to be open to good things. So, again, I'm inclined to think that Bible pushing is an ineffective way of ministering to the lost. It is very effective at supplying church members with the Most Dangerous Book Ever Written though.

This train of thought made me think about how I would minister to someone who was genuinely open to the Word. If the Spirit led me, how would I convince someone else that Christ's way is better than the way of society or the world or whatever? Now, I tend to speak (or write, if you will) about ministering in the hypothetical sense because I suck at it. Seriously, I'm not good. If someone asked me to write about Christ, then I'd be totally comfortable. I love to write. I blog about my thoughts and feelings because it seems entirely natural to me. I even enjoy reading. Visual words speak to me. But, people don't ask for essays. Well, I do sometimes but people laugh. Most people prefer to dialogue. There's something wonderful about oral/audial communication that just speaks to us... Seriously, it's enjoyable to talk.

If people don't ask for essays, why am I writing this? I'm writing because it's what I do. And, the next time someone asks me something that relates, I'll have a good idea of what my response will be.

Back to the point: ministering. At the heart of every ministry, there must be one question. Ministries do things. Some ministries are simple and involve only conversations and righteous living. Some ministries are complicated and involve hundreds of people doing things for thousands of people. But, I don't classify an act as a ministry unless it results from the desire to answer one powerful question: Who is Jesus?

That's a tough question. It's tough because, if there's an adequate answer, it's long and not simple. I think the answer to the question reveals an incredible amount of information about the answerer. "Who is Jesus" exposes motives and desires and depth of understanding. In fact, as I'm sitting here writing this sentence and forming the rest of this blog post in my head, I'm wondering if I'm completely wrong about some things. Maybe "Who is Jesus" actually DOES get simpler with increased understanding... Even if it does, I am constantly limited by my own current level of understanding. So, I'll just write about who Jesus is to me and pray that someone's life is enriched somehow by reading it. Maybe the next time I write or speak about Him, I'll have a better answer.

Who is Jesus?

Jesus is my best friend. It's kind of strange in a worldly sort of sense to say so, but it is truth. My best friend has no singular body I can hug or tackle. I've thought about wrestling with Jesus a bit. Would He totally own me because He knows everything in the universe, or would He let me beat Him every time because He knows His worth comes from God, not winning? I guess I'll have to wait until I get to heaven to find out for sure. Anyway, Jesus is my best friend. He sticks with me through everything. If life is good, it's because my Lord has made it to be so; Jesus sticks with me and laughs at the silly ways I do things. If life is hard, it's because my Father is challenging me or allowing me to be challenged to continually live eternally; Jesus sticks with me and comforts me and reminds me that He's there even when it doesn't feel like it. Jesus sticks with me. He doesn't even leave when I go to sleep.

In my mind, I always see Jesus as a dark-skinned, homely, long haired guy who is a little taller than me. I frequently imagine Him sitting near a camp fire with His disciples and looking at me across the fire with a the reminiscent sort of half smile my mom is always making. When I know I'm in the wrong, I see Him shake His head, eyes filled with pity and regret, then He says, "Don't you remember what you're worth to Me"? When I'm victorious, He smiles and shares in the celebration. When I'm worried, He scoots over and we sit together in silence. Every so often, when I could do with the reminder, He says, "I'm still here, and I still love you."

Jesus is a master listener. He hears what I like and dislike and want and avoid and feel and think and laugh about. He listens when I ask for advice or guidance and has an awesome way of surprising me with His responses. I guess it's just the human in me, but I'm always in awe when my prayer is answered. It's sort of conflicting. I pray to a God who listens and answers, but I'm in shock when He does. Maybe it's just that His goodness is so much better than the good I imagine...

Have I not already said that? Jesus is good. He is shockingly good. Every day seems like it was made for me just so I could find out how good He is. I really don't even know how to begin to describe His goodness. It's just so pure. Jesus is the hope in me. Even when I suffer, when grades are stressing me out, when I've got a stomach virus, when I get a citation, when I'm rejected, I'm still filled with this hope that things will turn out good in the end. I'm absolutely certain that the hope doesn't come from me. But, it's there. It's there because Jesus is so mind-bogglingly good. It's ridiculous.

Jesus is accepting. My name is Curtis Hefner, and I have a problem. I'm lousy at living righteously. I'm selfish and obstinate and I laugh at things Christ wouldn't. Even when I'm trying my very best, my life is full of failure. The greatest offering I can give God is like soggy tampons [Isaiah 64:6]. Still, Jesus accepts me. Loves me even. He must be crazy about me. If He wasn't, He would've left by now. I'm awful at reciprocating. I ignore Him sometimes, then run back when I realize why my day is going so badly. He takes me back every single time. He never even jokes about not taking me back. He knows all the garbage that doesn't get published on this blog, and still He loves me. And, His love rules me.

Jesus is my salvation. He's the intermediary between God and me. He tells me I'm better than the idiotic things I do. He tells me to follow Him. His words rock me to the core. He calls out all of the passion I possess. He defines me. Every thing that I do is for the glory of His name, or it's worthless. He holds me together. He is the target, and I am the arrow. He is my life. And, without Him, I wouldn't be here today. The world is too hard. I'm too soft. I could never handle it alone. He makes it so that I don't have to.

I could sing His praises for ever and still miss things. Now's not the time for that though. Now, I'm simply going to live my life trying to find out more about who He is. It's really all I'm capable of anyway.

I'm going to screw up sometimes. Sometimes, the things I try will fail. Lucky for me, the God I serve is greater than my inadequacies. Even in my failed attempts, He will be glorified. And, THAT is the reason for the hope that is in me. [1 Peter 3:15]

2009-08-17T00:13:00.000-07:00

What is it in us that pleas for justice? What is it that jumps and screams and stands in awe of sacrifice? Why is it beautiful? How should we even know that it is in the first place? What is it inside of us that defies tyranny and rejoices in redemption?

I am convinced that it is that God-given, mysterious fire we call love.

Love leaps at justice done anywhere. Though it is of no consequence to the observer but the simple knowledge of what has been done; though there is pain engrained in justice, for justice is deliverance; though it is no about glory or grace or form, it is beautiful.

It is beautiful because it is what we yearn for beneath our reason and method. It is beautiful because it frees the known and the unknown. It is beautiful because it should be.

Justice occurs when something, which should have happened already, finally does. And, its happening stirs us. It calls to our closest selves and shouts and cries and laughs. Its happening renews our faith and brightens the dark places.

In its true, pure form, justice has been, is, and will always be a result of selfless love. Justice is just a tiny glimpse of the world as it could be, should be, will be. Justice is just the smallest inkling of the goodness of God.

Justice cannot be served, though it results from service. Justice cannot be bought or sold or traded. It is always given. Justice is neither rebuke nor revenge, but redemption.

Justice is not the spoil of war, but the reward of peace. It is not that the killers have been slain, but that the innocent have not. It is protection and preservation of what is good.

It is grace... grace which cannot be purchased with the blood of a thousand bullets, cannot be taken by the stares of a thousand troops. It is grace which can only be given by Grace Himself.

Some may trust in horses. Some may trust in chariots. But, we will trust in the name of the Lord our God. [Psalm 20:7]

Living Eternally

2009-08-12T15:22:00.000-07:00

I think it rather odd how I am affected by small things. I usually don't even realize just how affected I've been until much later when I'm able to look back.

"A Christian is someone who always does their best." - (I have no idea)

I've tried and tried, but I can't seem to remember where it was I heard that. But, hearing it left an impression on me years ago. Granted, there's a lot more to being a Christian than merely trying your best. But the idea has a beautiful sort of simplicity to it, doesn't it?

The term "Christian" is first coined in the Acts [11:26] which is all about the early church and their new Way of living. And, the early church had it ROUGH. They were being hunted and persecuted and executed and spat upon. To follow Christ in the days of the early church, you had to constantly do your best. Do your best to live righteously, act mercifully, think strategically, speak boldly, proceed cautiously, die valiantly. In the time immediately after Christ's resurrection and ascension, it was unpopular to be a Christian (to say the least). Unfortunately for the church and everyone who watches us, that fact has changed.

No longer is there such an intense dichotomy between the church and everyone else. Don't get me wrong, I do NOT want anyone to be killed for entertainment purposes because of a desire to serve Jesus Christ. However, if that sort of overwhelming pressure existed today, you can bet people would take their faith much more seriously. Instead, Jesus' name has been turned into a kind of brand name or platform. Time and time again, I've seen self-proclaiming Christians speak out in anger against political figures or causes or programs. I've watched award shows in which the musician, whose "parental advisory" toting album has just gone platinum, first thanks God for the success. I've lost track of how many foul-mouthed sports stars have paid homage to God during their victory dances.

It makes me wonder what sort of God we've been portraying. That the American public would find it fitting to credit this portrayal of God with such worldly concerns... it concerns me.

It is our job as the church to show each other and everyone else who our Lord is. And, I can't help but think that we've been miserably failing at it. And, if we're failing, it can only be for lack of trying. Isaiah [55:11] says that God's word does not return void but instead accomplishes the purpose God intends it for. So, if we speak the word of God into the lives of those around us, we can't help but further extend the reach of the kingdom of heaven. If we speak the word of God into the lives of those around us, we can't fail. If we try our best, we can't fail.

As a whole, we've been failing.

For me, the problem comes from a selfish desire to preserve the level of comfort of my social standing, even among my Christian brothers and sisters. While it may be acceptable in nearly all circles to claim a relational attachment to Christ, speaking the truthful candor of His words is regarded almost universally as uncouth. God's Word cuts to the quick of the spirit. Very few react positively to even the most gracious reproach. What's more, I've never considered myself particularly gracious... That tends to take the courage right out of me. I want to cling to my comfort zone. But then I reread Paul's writings.

In Colossians [3:16-17], Paul urges Christians to

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (NIV)

Those are some lofty instructions from where I'm sitting. But, they really shouldn't be. Maybe it's because I grew up in a charismatic church, but I have trouble admonishing even my closest Christian peers. Then again, Paul never says, "teach and admonish... unless you're too intimidated". He urges us to have gusto. And, it makes sense. If I do my best, my actions will be bold simply because I am capable of boldness.

So, it's our job as Christians to call each other to live with higher standards. But, there's more. We are to do and say everything in the name of Jesus, living in a constant state of thanksgiving. In a nutshell, that's worship. Paul is telling us to do everything as an act of worship... Everything. That's big. If you're going to do everything as an act of worship, you'll have to always do your best. Think about it: if you're not doing your best, could you really call your action worship? Worship is a means of expressing those abstract attributes that describe a relationship with God: love, adoration, respect, reverence, joy, humility, meekness, boldness, passion, service. And, since we serve the Most High, the Almighty God, how could we offer anything less than our best?

This school year, I'll be striving to reclaim the name of Jesus for the glory of God, not the touting of success or bashing of corporate policies. I think everyone should be striving to do the same. We need to inject the passion of our best into the idea of Christianity. We've been apathetic for too long. I've been apathetic for too long...

I'm calling out myself and all of my Christian brothers and sisters. It's time we really started living out our best, always being thankful in the realization that we are limited in our time on this earth. It's time we started living eternally, differentiating ourselves from everyone else lacking in the strength and motivation and joy that comes from a full life with Christ. After all, we are the salt of the earth [Matthew 5:13].

2009-07-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

I don't know who this is for, but I have this message pulsing around inside right now. It might not even be for right now. But, sometime, someone will read this and know that Christ cares. He cared enough to urge me to write. Sometimes the Spirit comes on me and gives me a message for another. I'm new at prophesy. These are not my words but, they are truth. So I write, His words through me.

-----------------------------------

Have you forgotten that I am with you? I am with you. I am around you. I love you. This loneliness is not for you. No more. I love you. I came so you wouldn't have to keep feeling this way. You are so precious to Me. You are mine. You belong to Me. Don't you know I made you? I saw every part of you go into place. You are as you are because I made you that way. I don't make mistakes. You are no mistake. You are my love. You are on my mind constantly. Why do you feel forgotten? I love you.

Remember where you came from. Remember what I brought you through. I put you in this place. Trust me. Trust me, and see what I will do. You can't even imagine how wonderful it will be. Wait on me. Wait and see what I will do.

I am here. I am here when you feel alone and rejected and angry. I am here when you can't see the good. I am here loving you and waiting for you to rest in Me. I am here when the darkness seems unbearable and your hope is gone. I am here when there is nothing else. Let Me hold you.

I want what you are holding back. I want all of you. Everything. I can handle it. I want to handle it for you. Trust in me. I love you. Let Me show you how it can be. It won't be easy. But, it will be right. You know it will. You know, and yet you wait. Come to Me and let go. I will catch you and hold you. I love you. Do you not know?! Still, you wait. Come to Me. I love you so much. I loved you before you had breath. I loved you before you knew of Me. I loved you before everything was.

You wonder if I hear you. You wonder if I think of you? I think of you. I watch you and love you. You can't even imagine. You are special to me. You are like no one else. My love for you is unimaginable.

You feel you are weak. I will make you strong. I will be your strength. Reach for Me and I will touch you. Reach for me. I love you.

Don't forget this.

-----------------------------

If this hits you hard. Don't pass this over. It's for you.

While I was typing, I felt like I've never felt before. I can't even explain it save to say that it was awesome. Jesus is really crazy about you. And, I figure you weren't really expecting to get this here. But, that's just His way.

Rethinking Worship

2009-07-17T22:13:00.000-07:00

This summer, I've been attending a Baptist church (FBCSA). It has been an interesting experience. I've got to admit that I don't necessarily agree with the things they don't do. So far, I've had no problem with the things they are doing or saying. But, some things are a bit strange to me. For instance, they don't clap their hands after a worship song. I grew up in a pretty charismatic, bordering-on-pentecostal church where we clapped after every song. "Clap your hands all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy" [Psalm 47:1]. That was the way I learned to worship - expressively, freely, loudly. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom [2 Corinthians 3:17]. So, I learned to worship in a freedom that only comes when you can sense the Holy Spirit living in yourself and those around you. This Baptist church doesn't worship like that. Initially, I saw that as a bad thing.

I've got to admit that I sometimes suffer from "Doctrinal Brick Wall Syndrome". Sometimes, without even realizing that I'm doing it, I think of others as being "less Christian" than I am. That's just the wrong way of thinking. I know that. The disciples asked Jesus who would be greatest, then he drops a philosophical bomb by claiming that the first shall be last and the last, first [Matt 19:30]. It turns out that loving God is more of a relationship thing than a status thing... Go figure, right? Anyway, sometimes I think that my beliefs MUST be correct and everyone else is just less Christian than I am. I remembered how foolish that thinking was during choir practice last Wednesday (I'm in the church choir).

The choir director was explaining how important it is to be singing the song, not just the words. Rather, the words of the song are nice and all, but worship is all about intention. We really mean those beautiful words we sing about "How Sweet The Name of Jesus Is" or whatever. But, if we aren't being musical about our singing, really perceiving the whole picture and striving to give shape to those reverential values we feel, then we aren't worshipping.

Now, I didn't expect to have a eureka moment, but I guess no one ever expects to have them. Still, I had a eureka moment. I realized how small my "worship box" was. It's ridiculous to think that there is somehow a correct way to worship God. That's preposterous. Worship is expressing in some way the abstract concepts of love, adoration, respect, etc. There are most definitely many incorrect ways to worship, ways that are simply wrong. However, there's no one correct way that trumps the others. Worship is about expression.

The Baptists at the church were worshipping differently than what I was used to. But, I realized that I needed to change, not the worship. I've become comfortable with expressing how passionate God makes me feel by singing my lungs out and raising my hands and clapping and crying for joy. Until now though, I had never really expressed the reverent, quieting sense of awe that is so frequently expressed in this Baptist church. My worship has grown.

-----

I've always wondered why it is that parents are so proud of the atrocious, unimpressive performances their children are always doing in school or church or little league or whatever. I mean, kids are usually pretty awful at performing things. I don't subject myself to watching preschoolers sing "This Little Light of Mine" or something similar unless I know one of the preschoolers who is singing. However, I do enjoy hearing The Vocal Majority or some other organized, professional group sing "This Little Light of Mine" or anything really. What's the difference? If it's fair to assume (and I think it is) that the men in "The Vocal Majority" were once preschoolers singing "This Little Light of Mine", then the most obvious difference is time. Preschoolers become grade schoolers, high schoolers, collegiate ers[?], professionals. Musical comprehension and understanding grows with time. And, since my life span will likely be around 80 years, those 30-60 year olds seem pretty awesome. What does God think?

God has always existed. So, if you imagine the largest number of years possible, then multiply it by 10 million, God is still older than that. Think about this: God created our ability to conceive sequences of sounds as being musical. God invented music. All of it. Music? Yeah, it was His idea. He knows what perfect music is like, if there is such a thing. So, if the thing that makes performances greater is an increased understanding that only comes with time, then our very best music must sound like banging rocks together or something. Come to think of it, maybe that's why Jesus said that if we fail to praise God, the rocks will cry out [Luke 19:40]. Maybe it would all sound the same anyway.

"All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment." [Isaiah 64:6] Filthy garment is originally "ukabeged ehdim" which translates more literally into "rags of menstruation" or, more modernly, "soggy tampons". I think soggy tampons are among the grossest things ever, and I can't help but think Isaiah giggled when he wrote that. Anyway, this seems to agree with my theory of worship improving in time. Since God has been around infinitely longer than we have, we could never impress him with our worship. It would all just sound like soggy tampons splattering or something... (Great mental picture isn't it?)

Love makes it good, though. It's true; parents love their kids, so they delight in their less-than-impressive performances. I think the same goes for God and our worship. Psalm 69:30-31 says that God takes joy in being praised by His people. And, we are only His people because He first loved, and continues to love us.

So, since we are all His children, I figure God watches the professional-looking, organized adult choir and sees a bunch of preschoolers that he loves. And that is why there's no "correct" way to worship.

Faith Comes By Hearing

2009-06-12T23:21:00.000-07:00

Romans 10:17 "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ."

Faith is sort of hard for me to describe as I don't really have a grasp on it. Even the explanations given by those I know who live most righteously fall short of a level of complete understandability. Still, I want more of it. To me, faith seems to be a sort of key to unlocking God's power within and through us. Or, maybe it's more like a tool that equips us for tasks that previously were impossible. I think it has something to do with the spiritual nature of mankind and our own God-given abilities to influence and control (See some of my earlier writing for a more complete description of what I mean).

The best description I've heard is this: the act of believing, having faith, is simply to sit back and rest on God. It's sort of like trust I think. And, I'm not talking about trust in the same way that you trust your neighbor, who is washing his car, to not spray you with the hose. I'm talking about the sort of trust you put in a parachute when base jumping. You might be able to make the slow climb to the bottom. Maybe not. But, at the top, it seems like a viable option. Still, there's more meaning in the jump. You fall. You pull the cord. Then, you have nothing to do but sit back and rest on your parachute.

I wish I had a way to explain faith that didn't rely on analogy or metaphor, but I don't yet.

I use such an extreme case as a parachute because, based on my experiences, it seems that faith is only called into question when a person wants or needs something that is outside of his or her immediate control. And, desires and needs don't just go away. There's a sort of immediacy to the human will that desperately demands an exhaustion of resources. People will do everything possible to ensure that the desired thing is acquired or action accomplished. In my own case, I have to admit that faith is one of the less frequently utilized resources. I'd like that to change; not just for me, but for everyone with a case similar to mine.

Romans 10: 17 says that faith comes by hearing the word of Christ. It struck me recently how largely unspoken my faith is. That needs to change. How can faith spread if I don't spread it? If I don't attribute those actions of mine that can be perceived as righteous to the glory of Jesus Christ, what is the difference between my actions and those of anyone else? If faith, if believing is the thing that sets me apart from those who aren't in love with Christ, then my hesitation to speak has made me a closet Christian. Well, everybody, tonight I'm coming out Christian. And, since the love of Christ isn't something that can be owned or otherwise privatized while retaining its meaning, I've got something to share. Be warned: the following may sound a little bit crazy to those whose experiences have differed from my own.

I love Jesus. I am totally dumbfounded, in awe at the mere thought of how great He is. I don't mean was. I mean is. Because, He's alive. About 2,000 years ago, He lived a perfect life. And, when I say perfect, I mean that not one of his friends could ever deny His perfection. Not even His mom could find fault with Him. That's amazing to me. I know for a fact that every one of my closest friends and most of my acquaintances would have little, if any, trouble pointing out how flawed my life has been. Jesus was perfect. As crazy as it sounds, I believe it fully. I believe it because I've experienced life in the presence of a loving God. The Holy Spirit has changed me into a man I couldn't have become if left to my own efforts. Every good thing inside of me, every kind word and tasteful joke, every merciful response and loving correction is because of Jesus. I'm totally and completely enthralled by His love for me. It rules my thoughts. He gives meaning to this vapor of a life I lead. I know that there's no way to repay Him for His sacrifice for me. All my shouting and clapping and jumping and singing and writing and thinking and speaking can never express how truly awesome He is. I could never adequately express just how He's changed my life into something worth living. Yet, there's a sort of victory in the futility of the expression. My God is infinitely great! He created life and defeated death. At His slightest mental twitch, He could decimate the entire universe with His awesome power. All of this, and still He loves me. And, I don't know why except that it is His way to love...

It occurs to me that disciples of Christ don't talk about Him enough. It's like a hidden agreement exists among us sometimes. "We all love Jesus, right? Okay, 'nuff said." But, that's the opposite of what it should be. Couples in love can't help but talk about their ever-so-significant other. So, why is the story different among Christians? It shouldn't be. We should be championing Jesus' name every chance we get. People need to know just how wonderful He is. This is me starting to do just that. I hope those who haven't will begin to do the same.

I didn't plan on writing all of this, but I guess there are some who do or soon will need to read [hear] it. And, when the Holy Spirit moves on me, I just start writing what is present on my thoughts and truth comes out. Praise God.

If you're feeling something unsettling inside of you, this was for you especially. Time to make changes. You're ready for them.

2009-06-10T23:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I get all caught up in doing things. My mind races through what needs to happen and who's depending on me and what tomorrow holds. It makes me feel like I need to be strong. It makes me want to be hard and steady. But, it feels empty. The problem comes with the afters. After I write the last sentence, after I lock the door, after I drive back, after I sign off... There's a chilling sense of singularity inherent in finding satisfaction in accomplishment. It's totally unsettling. And, I must admit that I've struggled with it.

Sometimes, I want my heart to be the strongest, hardest, most dependable, unshakable. I want to be able to stand on my own merits and defend myself against any foe. I want to never be broken or beaten. But, there's a problem with this sort of advancement. Strengthening of this sort only comes from having almost been beaten; from having come dangerously close to being broken. Then, weaknesses are recognized and patched before something or someone can seize them. It works quite well until defeat eventually comes. Then, all of the shoddy patchwork is revealed. Then, the armor is shown to be mostly empty and drafty. And, the heart that was independent and unshakable lies helplessly and further injures itself with every clattering pulsation of its crusty encasing.

- - - - - - - - - - -

My heart was like this for a time. The scary thing is that it was a time when adversity seemed preoccupied and my life, charmed. Where was the surrender? I don't know. I thought I was compassionate though my judgements were swift and sure. I thought I was justified in stating loveless truths. God was always on my side. The world was wrong and I was not of the world. Surely it was my place to be righteously indignant...

Then, something inside me was broken by forces beyond my control. My fears rushed in. It felt like I had lost the worth that I had previously earned. My spirit shivered. It seemed like the air about me gave off a palpable discomfort.

So, I gave up.

For the first time, I truly realized that my best was just not good enough. Lucky for me, my not being good enough had already been taken care of. In my distress, I told God that He could do whatever He wanted with me. I was obviously screwing it all up. "I surrender". Then He started doing something. Honestly, it sucked for a while and was really uncomfortable. But, I guess change can only happen when you're made uncomfortable.

I started really seeing people. I mean, beforehand, I saw others. Now, I started seeing equals. They were popping up everywhere. I saw people who were worth knowing, not for a redeeming quality, but for the simple sake of knowing. At the time, it seemed like it was they who were becoming a we with me. Now, I see that it was I who became a we with them. I thought my heart would maybe grow stronger with the union. To my surprise, it was further broken. As my realization of my needs increased and my love began bleeding out, Christ held me together.

He showed me how life is meant to be embraced by making my heart flexible. I started loving Him unreasonably as He brought my pieces back together. I don't know if I can ever adequately explain the change. I do know that the questions seemed to turn into simple declarations.

Why do You love me? How is it possible that You could be so good? ...

You love me. You are good.

Previously, I thought my heart could fit the molds made by others. But, it was too hard. Only questions were left to fill the holes and ease the pressures. My ability to love was impeded by my inability to recognize the shape of my own heart. I thought it was fitting. I had been dulled to the draftiness of the fit. I had been forcing my heart to fit through sheer strength of will. And, with the best of intentions, I had miserably failed.

The change made my heart flexible. It would be foolish for me to claim that I now know its shape simply because it is constantly changing. However, I'm getting a better feel for compassion. Every now and again, my heart is squeezed like a sponge to fit another's mold. Every time it's squeezed, it leaks tears. Consequently, I cry way more than I did previously. But, I've taken solace in the documented tears of many of the Bible's masculine spiritual giants.

Life seems somehow lighter after the change... It makes me sad that more men don't see the joy of flexibility. I can say with certainty that my heart is not strong in any traditional sense of the word. Indeed, I can almost guarantee that it will be broken again soon. But, I have security in the knowledge that Jesus will be there every time to fix it up again. He has given me the flexure to bounce back from the brokenness. Now that my heart can fit more molds, I can relate to more people. Really, I think it's the fuller life Christ liked to speak of. For, love demands vulnerability. And, "we know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death" [1 John 3:14]. Before, I was saved, but I wasn't living eternally. Now, I recognize the ever-present need to do so due to time constraints.

It's quite strange really... I must live eternally now because I have a limited window of time in which to do so. There's a beauty in that though, the knowledge that the brokenness will eventually cease. That's worth living towards.

To people who like reading my writing:

2009-06-03T22:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's taking me so long to put up something new. Spiritually speaking, I'm pretty thick-skulled most of the time. So, God has to work extra hard on me. Anyway, I just thought I should say that Jesus is awesome. And, if you haven't lately, or if you have and aren't otherwise occupied, you should take out your Bible and read a bit. I heard this sermon a few months ago about the importance of keeping an open line of communication with Christ. One part really stuck out to me. The speaker said that, when you read your Bible, even when you don't feel anything or realize it, the Holy Spirit is working inside of you. That hit me like a ton of bricks (or some other really heavy conglomeration of stuff with a moderate amount of surface area). I know it's a little obvious, but I'd never really thought about Bible reading that way. It was a spiritual song subject when I was five, then a heavy talking point in Sunday School until I was twelve, then a form of spiritual discipline and a way to study Jesus. I had never really realized that Word becoming flesh could happen through such a passive sort of process.

Anyway, my Bible has a gravity to it now that it never had before I started sharing my spiritual experiences more publicly (as they should be shared). I notice a difference in my days when I take time out to love on Jesus. It's a good difference. You should get to experience the same sort of thing. So, if you aren't busy, or if you can manage to take a while away from whatever time sink has your interest, go open up your Bible and spend some time getting lifted.

I just wanted to pass the Word along.

On Choice

2009-04-29T11:05:00.000-07:00

Warning: The following post may be disagreeable to some. It might conflict with previously believed dogma, and it might offend. That's not my purpose in writing this though. I'm simply trying to capture in words what I've been led to believe in my quest to grow closer to God. Even if it is disagreeable, I hope that your reading this will challenge and strengthen your faith in the greatness of God.

Warning #2: This post is long and to be read in multiple sittings if needed.

Lately, the concept of predestination has been weighing heavily on my heart and mind. I've talked with some of my Christ-loving peers about it a little, but I can't seem to come to peace with the idea of an assured destiny. So, I'm writing my own personal thoughts on the subject. I welcome responses, comments and discussion. And, I pray that my writing this will not stir up dissension but will instead point to God's glory.

First, it's important to know my current understanding of the Calvinist idea of predestination. For reference, I recommend listening to an sermon by C. H. Spurgeon entitled "Non Nobis, Domine!" which is accessible here. The following is a transcription of the piece of his sermon that is of interest:

According to some men, it seems that salvation is mainly the work of the ceature. Christ died for him, but Christ may have died in vain unless he, by something that he does, makes Christ's death effectual. That kind of teaching, I do not believe because it throws the onus of redemption, after all, upon man and makes him to give efficacy to the redemption of Christ. Neigh, verily... But I believe that those for whom Christ gave Himself as a ransom price shall surely be His forever. And that He did really redeem them and needeth not that they add anything to make that everlasting ransom price sufficient and available for their deliverance. There are some who seem to think that the sinner takes certain steps towards God before God comes to him, but it is not so. The sinner is dead. And life must come to him from God, ere he can stir from the grave or even have a wish to stir there from. And there are some who teach that after a man is saved, he still needs to keep himself and confirm himself in grace in fact that his salvation depends upon himself... But it is not so. For He who has called us and has saved us has given us gifts which are without repentance which He will never take back. And having once loved us, He will love us to the end. We are firmly persuaded that He who has begun a good work in us will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. From top to bottom, salvation is all of the grace of God. (C. H. Spurgeon, Non, Nobis Domine!)

For the most part, I agree with what Spurgeon is saying. But, the bold points (which form his basis of belief) I do not agree with. Allow me to explain why.

In Spugeon's saying, "those for whom Christ gave Himself as a ransom price shall surely be His forever," there is an underlying assumption that Christ did NOT give Himself for everyone. For, by this logic, everyone would then be saved. This I cannot accept. For, while I was dead in sin along with everyone else who didn't or doesn't follow Christ, there was nothing that should've intrinsically separated me from everyone else. For God to choose me above another would be an unmistakable example of partiality. I'll address this more completely later.

"[A]nd needeth not that they add anything", in respect to salvation is particularly disagreeable to me. Here, Spurgeon is referring to a person's profession of faith and acceptance of Jesus Christ as Savior. He implies that, by stating an acceptance, the sinner is somehow validating God's grace. That is simply not the case. God's grace needs no validation. The fact is, without Jesus, none of us would have any way to ensure that a covering shroud of grace surrounded us. Redemption was made accessible by Christ's death and resurrection. But, as God is the God of love (which requires a choice), we are given the option of refusing to accept that grace. While the sinner is not adding anything to the salvation, acceptance is necessary. Or else, what does one make of Romans 10:9? This acceptance requires repentance on the sinner's part. For, what is the difference between one who says the words, then lives in sin compared to one who just lives in sin?

It appears to me that Spurgeon and I disagree on these matters, and probably those that are about to be covered.

Vital to my understanding is this: God loves us all equally. And, by "us all" I mean everybody. There is not a thing that a person can do to elevate himself above others. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus [Romans 3:23-24]. God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us [Romans 5:8]. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life [John 3:16].

So, God loves us all equally. We are all sinners, and, Jesus died for everyone. Spurgeon would disagree with me here insisting that, since the sinner is dead in sin and even his desire to be saved is inaccessible, he will not believe until after God has awakened his spirit through redemption. I would then ask Spurgeon what he makes of Romans 2:11 which says, "For there is no partiality with God [NASB]". Or, if he prefers different translations:

NIV - For God does not show favoritism.
Amplified Bible - For God shows no partiality [undue favor or unfairness; with Him one man is not different from another].
King James - For there is no respect of persons with God.
New Century Version - For God judges all people in the same way.

If God is impartial, not a respecter of persons, and without favorites, then Jesus must have died for all. There is simply no other option. Either God is partial and Romans 2:11 is not true (which would make God a liar too since 2 Timothy 3:16 says that all Scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine...) or else Jesus died on the cross to redeem the entire world, not just a select few.

It's obvious though that not everyone follows Christ. This seems to imply that action is required on the part of the sinner. For, if action was not required, then our automatic redemption through Jesus would provide us with no ability to choose and would make us into human robots. Make no mistake here, I'm not claiming that choice is necessary for redemption. Were God to take that choice away, we robots would still be redeemed through Christ's death and resurrection. However, the choice is necessary for it to be a loving redemption. For, love can not be forced. The downside of this loving redemption is that not all people will choose to accept it.

This choice complicates the predestination argument. For, if God knows ultimately whether we will choose or reject Him, then Jesus wouldn't have needed to die for everybody. He could have died only for those He knows will choose Him. Because of this, and because there is no Biblical evidence stating the contrary, I believe that God chooses not to know. For, if God knows our choices, then freedom is merely a concept describing an illusory idea. Why does freedom disappear if God knows our choices? It begins with the end.

Our decisions are affected by our previous decisions. That's how life works. There's a journeyness to it. So, our final decision to accept or reject Christ's gracious gift of redemption is affected by all of our previous choices. It's no great mental leap then to claim that, if God knows our ultimate choice, He must also know those leading to it. And, the choices leading up, the choices made in the accessible present, not some elusive future, are the ones that complicate things. See, if God knows all of your choices, and if only truth can be known, then you've virtually already made them. That means, however you decide to live (if predestination is true) can have no different effect on your future. For, some future version of you already decided to make the decisions that you're about to make and was either saved or not because of it (or regardless of it depending on your interpretation). Likewise, another person's interactions with you (or lack thereof) were already weighed by your future mind in order to have already made the decisions you'll make.

"What are you taking so long to say, Curtis?"

I'm trying to say this:

If predestination is true, then every person is living on a pre-specified single life path. There is no hope for change in the sense that we know it today (some of us, I mean). For, a seeming difference in a life's direction merely moves one further along the path God already knew about and judged.

If that is the way that God is unlimited by time , you cannot ever positively affect another's life. There are just no alternate possibilities for comparison... no "could-have-been"s.

In my experience, living according to truth yields positive results. If God knows all of my choices before my present self has made them, then I could keep to myself until I die. Or I could go blow some city up. It wouldn't matter, because "those for whom Christ gave Himself as a ransom price shall surely be His forever." And, if Christ didn't die for me, then I was already destined for hell to begin with.

However, if God chooses not to know our choices infinitely ahead of time, then indeed we can change lives for the glory of God. In that case, if it were possible to directly affect others, it would make sense for Jesus to say, "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." [Matthew 28:19]

Now you might be thinking as some of my peers have, "Aren't you limiting God to being inside time with that argument?" No, I'm not. Here's why:

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. [2 Peter 3:8-9]

God is still not limited by time. But, He chooses to occasionally operate within its limits for the same reason He operates in space. We are limited by it. And, here's the kicker, He loves us. That makes me smile every time. Still, his time scale isn't linear. That makes Him awesome.

"That's cool, Curtis, but what about Jeremiah 29:11?"

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

"How could God know what to plan without knowing our choices beforehand?"

That's a great question. Here's what I think:

There are these books called "Choose Your Own Adventure" that are made for preteens mostly. They don't read like normal books. When you're reading one, you'll eventually get to a page that says:

If you push the shiny red button, turn to page X.
If you exit the room, turn to page Y.

I always leave a numbered sticky note at that choice so that I can go back later when, after many more choices, my hero dies from some unforeseen danger or comes out on top. That's what I think life is like. I figure that God, being omniscient, is able to foresee every possible outcome to every choice in an infinity of possibilities. He doesn't use stickies. He just knows what could happen. And, if you're wise enough to ask for it or if you just get lucky, God will help influence your life for His glory which is always better. Though in one sense history has already been written, we get to choose how the story goes. I believe that this power of influence is what defines our being made in His image [Genesis 1:26].

I also think that God can at any moment see which path we will take based on our heart's condition [1 Samuel 16:7], which is determined totally by those things we allow ourselves to be influenced by. So, when I pray, "Lord, please help me conduct myself with meekness and love during the meeting," God looks at all the possible paths created by potential choices, and His Holy Spirit leads me along the right one.

Choice requires potential, love requires choice, and God loves us all. Therefore, He must be allowing each of us the potential to change our futures. For, He would not have created one with no potential to love Him. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. [1 John 4:16]

Now, let's take a second to figure out how God is glorified by all of this:

If we were predestined due to Christ's only dying for those He selected be first knowing their choices, if that was the case, then we'd really just be acting out a grand play give God glory. God could always depend on us to make the decisions He knew we'd make. This play would be His expression of love for us while we would be powerless to really express our love to Him. For, without choice, love is an illusion.

But if we're not predestined, then we are free agents choosing what to be influenced by and how to react. That makes us the most unreliable subjects ever. How great our God must be to have His will and be glorified in spite of our shortcomings! Also, if our choices are our own, then we really can have an effect on the lives of others. Therefore, it's important to live according to the will of the God we serve.

Though I could say more, I feel like this part of the thought is complete. I welcome comments and challenges.

Good Friday '09

2009-04-10T11:11:00.000-07:00

So, I was sitting in the Wendy's in Jester today and trying to comprehend why a person would ever withstand being tortured to death for something they created. I don't think there's a paper I could write, song I could sing, or video I could produce that I'd die for. But, I guess media is a little shallow anyway. The closest thing to a human that I could create, provided I had the knowhow and mental competence to do so, would be a robot. Even then though, even if this robot could bring a great service to the world or something, I still would never be willing to be tortured and brutally murdered to spare its being destroyed. However, even though I don't have kids, I know without thinking that I'd die for them if I did.

There's a disconnect between created things and humans. Something about our humanity makes altruism possible and elevates our status to rulers over creation. I think it's the soul. I honestly have incredibly little figured out about the soul. But, in the simplest terms, I believe the soul is our provision for similarity and potential intimacy with God. So, when God was chatting with Jesus on the very first Friday about what to cool thing to make next, He said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." [Genesis 1:26]

It had never occurred to me before just how big of a deal that was. If Jesus was willing to die for us, then He must have thought our being able to live fully and become intimate with Him was more important than His continued living. That just blows me away. I can't really grasp what that means, but the Spirit is on me right now, and I feel the statements truth.

In Colossians 1:15-17 says this: He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

So, it's Jesus' job forever to hold creation together with mind. There He was in Gethsemane weeping and sweating blood from the intense stress of the weight of the world on HIm; there He was battling with an intense inner struggle and holding everything together.

There He was, held down, the whip biting into HIs flesh and shooting fiery pain through His spine into His brain; there He was hurting more than He'd ever hurt before and holding everything together.

With a thought He could've done away with the whole of creation. That sends shivers through me. Jesus, in whom all authority lies, could have, with no effort at all, just stopped holding everything together. I always think about planets exploding when I write or say that...

Back to Jesus: there He was being hoisted onto the cross, blood loss making Him dizzy and fatigued; there He was with nails in His hands and feet holding it all together. At any point, He could've called more than twelve legions of angels to take care of Him [Matt. 26:53]. He could've just stopped caring, stopped holding it all together. But He didn't.

Why? Why did He go through with something so horrible?

He did it for love. Jesus is in love with us. He died so that we'd all have the chance to truly live. Then He rose again and put death in its place, because He's in love with us. Even though we all act like idiots most of the time, there's something inside each of us that Jesus finds attractive. That makes me smile.

Now, I want you, Reader, to take a minute or two to sit still and try to realize how in love with you Jesus is. Minimize this window. Stop instant messaging or worrying about the stuff you need to get done and just BE for a minute.

I guess Easter is sort of like Valentine's day. It's a celebration of the most devastatingly beautiful act of love ever to be performed. Jesus must be a hopeless romantic.

I hadn't initially planned on writing something so directly applicable to the coming Easter celebration, but it doesn't surprise me how this note has turned out. I usually start writing one thing, then remember some scriptures that agree, then end up writing something else that I hadn't previously thought of. As one of Christ's disciples, all spiritual gifts are accessible to me, and prophecy seems to come out in my writing. I don't really know who I'm writing this for, but I'm sure there's someone who really needed to read this. If you're that reader, don't ignore that you were just thinking about something like this. It's time for you to start doing whatever it is that you have been too afraid to do for a while.

Happy Easter!

Faith and The Will

2009-04-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

This has been on my mind for some time, and I feel like I need to write it down. So I am.

What is the will? I've been grappling with this question for a while, and I've decided that I'll probably never now. Suffice to say, I have a will. So, there really is no question of what it is or how it changes or influences the things around me. The will just IS.

I think the will is the essence of a being. I think the will is what makes that being identifiable and unique. I have no idea what it means for a being to have an essence. It's an intangible sort of idea that escapes like fog through fingers whenever I try to grasp it. But, I think there is something to it.

So, I wondered how this all related to God. I wrote a note a while ago about how Jesus could just flex things into happening with faith acting as a sort of spiritual nerve ending. My ideas have changed a little bit since then. I think faith has a more tangible sort of manifestation. I think faith is really more about action.

The church is the body of Christ. I like to think literally. And, I don't think I'm wrong in a literal interpretation of that idea. Jesus ascended to heaven. I have no idea how He flew. But, I believe He did. Now, we, His followers, are the conduit through which He physically interacts with people. Our physical actions, motivated by His love, are His actions through us. This idea is staggering and dangerous. If we are HIs representatives, then the world can only know Christ through our actions...

Our service defines the God in whose name we serve to those who we are serving. If we greet others in warmth and meekness, Jesus is seen as a lover. However, if we greet others with condemnation and anger, Jesus is seen as a condemning judge. I've been floored by this a little lately, and I think I'm finally starting to understand the fear of God. I never really got it before. But, I've just had this revelation of responsibility. It's big. It must be a great God who can trust His followers to accurately portray Him.

That's my microscopic, localized understanding of the body of Christ. The macroscopic, global understanding is where faith really comes into play. Before I explain it, I'd like for you to try something. It's simple, incredibly doable, and familiar to you. If you will, move your thumb up and down. Keep doing that. Now, think about exactly how you're doing it. What is it that you do to move your thumb? I have to admit that I've thought for a long time and I'm stumped. All I know is this: my thumb moves when it is my will for it to move. For, my thumb is always within my realm of influence.

It's like seeing an open kitchen cabinet from across the room. You see it, want it closed, then close it. First you move across the room so that it is within your arm-span, your realm of influence. Then, you will that your arm would move that the cabinet would shut. And, it shuts.

So, back to the thumb analogy: what if your thumb had nerve damage? Only the healthy part would be within your realm of influence. If there's nerve damage, even if you will your thumb to move a specific way, it will only move in the way that it is able. So, if we are the body of Christ, if we are the physical manifestation of His will, then each of us is sort of like a nerve. If we are faithful, then we'll do what is needed without knowing why it is needed. We'll sense His will in us, then act our part. But, if we don't...if we say no in that moment the Spirit is leading us, then our part of the body is made to contort awkwardly and is unable to function fully.

An unhealthy church is like a sickly contorted hand. It attempts to bring comfort but ends up scratching instead of caressing. Its extension brings horror and fear rather than comfort and security. [Read "Stumbling Toward Faith" by Renee Altson for an incredibly frightening illustration of this.]

If the world is to change, we must be the agents of change. That means acting when the Spirit leads us. That means walking in tune with the Spirit so that we are sensitive to its direction. That means saying "yes" to Jesus every day. That means saying yes even when it's easy to say no, even when saying yes makes us uncomfortable, even when a situation seems foreign and bigger than our yes.

My God is the God of love. Love is His essence. All love seems grand because it is an image of Him, Eyeh Asher Eyeh. Love is voluntary. It can not be forced because it is defined by and therefore totally relies on the will. A person cannot love because. Love is not because. Love is. So, there's a choice required. I don't really understand the compatibility of choice and the will, but I recognize the constant presence of a choice. God, wanting to reveal His essence, continuously gives us a choice: yes or no. I'd just like to urge my readers to say yes. It's so much better to say yes.

It occurs to me that Mary could've said no. There must have been a bunch of other virgins in the area who would be happy to give birth to the One Righteous. But, after Mary found favor with the Lord, she was given the chance to be used. She said yes. And, she was blessed for it. The world was blessed for it. I'm convinced that there's no way Mary could've grasped just how big a deal her saying yes was. She must've known the implications of becoming pregnant. It was the most uncomfortable and adverse of situations. But, she said yes...

We are the generation that can bring about a change in the way the world sees the church. We can be a healthy hand outstretched and welcoming. But, we won't be if everyone doesn't do their part by saying yes to the Spirit. Ephesians 4:16 says that the body of Christ grows and builds itself up as every part does its work. So, if the church isn't growing, it's our fault collectively. For, the highest cannot stand without the lowest.

What if we all said yes to the leading of the Spirit? I've got to say, the idea is exciting. But, it won't happen if we don't all do our work.

A Lesson Learned From Teendom

2009-03-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

If people will be your friends while you're an awkward teenager, you'd better cherish them. Honestly, teenagers are difficult to deal with.

Being warm and kind is better than being cool.

A Night of Prophecy

2009-02-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

Tonight at lighthouse, after the message Chris spoke, he told us all to get in a circle and prophesy. I've been wanting the gift of prophesy for a while now, and it turns out that I already had it. Before I actually prophesied, I was prophesied over. It was awesome!

"Faithful... I just keep hearing the word faithful." - big Chris

"Protector." - little Chris

"Overseer." - Andy

"There's hard times ahead, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel." - little Chris

"Just like in the surveying you did over the summer, I keep seeing you looking through the instrument [setting the sight] on something ahead; like Chris was saying with the light at end of the tunnel." - Andy

I don't know yet what exactly those things mean, but I feel like I'll look back on this in the not too distant future and understand.

After I was prophesied over, I prophesied (along with the others) over Chris, David, Mason, Elizabeth, and Andy.

Chris:

I had a vision of Chris running. He wasn't in a race; it seemed like a metaphor for life. He was running, and being recharged every step. Andy saw him running and carrying a torch that brought light to those around him. He said he saw people following Chris.

David:

I had a vision of David sitting beneath a tree that was by a river. I think God was the tree. Like God's influence totally surrounds and supports David. David was just smiling and looking around at the beauty of the scene surrounding him. I also saw a burning fire. I think it was David's fire for God.

Mason:

I saw mason dismantling a wall that was in front of him. He was holding a trowel, and whenever he pushed it into the dry mortar, the mortar loosened up and became wet again so that he could easily scoop the stones into the wall he was building next to him. I saw a sort of bluish essence where the wall had been that looked to me like a bond between Mason and whoever first was behind that wall. Mason was building that wall next to him for protection against 'men of Satan [said little Chris]'. I also saw Mason doing this dorky, funny dance for the amusement of the people inside the wall.

Andy:

Before Andy got in the middle of the circle, he asked all of us to just sit for a minute and be aware of all the angels that were in the room with us. It was really weird because after a while, I started seeing this bluish flying man with multiple faces flying around us like a tornado and smiling exceptionally wide. Then, when I closed my eyes, I saw an incredibly bright, golden man sitting cross-legged next to Andy and smiling just as wide while laughing and rocking back and forth. It was a victory laugh. After Andy got in the middle of the circle, I could close my eyes and see the golden man [which I'm now positive was an angel] standing behind Andy, bending over him and rubbing his shoulders. When I said this, Andy said he could feel it. Then, I saw Andy looking over a great distance across the sea to the lighthouse surrounded by a forest packed with trees that were a dark green. Andy was looking over and smiling like he was remembering something. I kept seeing that golden angel.

Elizabeth:

When Elizabeth got in the middle, I immediately felt like crying. I'm not sure why. It wasn't negative at all though. I seeing a vision of her sitting and listening to people. She nodded her head like she understood whatever it was that she was listening to. Big Chris said he kept experiencing a quickened heart beat that moved to his extremities. Little Chris and Andy and Mason continually talked about Elizabeth being a light source that spread through the darkness in various ways. I heard in my head God telling me, "Tell her to remember that she's special to me." Even now as I type this, I can remember the power of the words and it's making me cry. Big Chris said he heard, "Big Momma". I have no idea how that is significant.

God is moving in unprecedented ways in Lakehills. Big things are coming.

The First Christmas As I See It

2008-12-29T10:36:00.000-08:00

This story is in no way to be thought of a s direct translation. I'm telling all of you readers what I imagine when I read the Bible's account of Christmas. It's filled with anachronisms and additional, possibly fictitious descriptions. If you want an absolutely accurate account, read the actual passages I've referenced. I hope you'll think about Christmas in a new way after reading this:

{From Luke 1:26-39"}

God sent His angel, Gabriel, to Nazareth, Galilee

so that he could talk to Joseph's fiancée, a virgin named Mary.

The angel said to her, "Get excited! You are a very blessed woman because God has found favor with you."

Then Mary was like, "Oh crap, I'm going to die. Or else, I've gone crazy."

The angel saw her worried look and said, "Whoa, Mary. Seriously, don't freak out. God likes you.

In fact, pretty soon you'll be pregnant with a baby boy whose name will be Jesus.

He's going to be great, and God's going to give Him David's throne.

And, He'll reign over the Jews and His kingdom will last forever."

Then Mary did a double-take and said, "How can I be pregnant when I've never had sex?"

The angel replied, "God isn't limited by anything. So, Jesus' only Father will be God.

Elizabeth, your relative, is also pregnant. She, who was barren is now in last month of her second trimester.

Because, with God, nothing is impossible! Like I said, God is not limited."

Mary was floored by this news and said, "I'll serve the Lord and have this Baby!" Then, the angel left.

Mary went to visit Elizabeth for a while.

When she returned, she was showing.

Joseph was pretty hurt when he saw this and suspected that she had cheated on him while she was gone. If nothing else, he thought, Mary had dishonored him by being promiscuous. Besides, Mary was saying these crazy things about having God's baby and Joseph figured she must just be drawing inspiration from the mythologies. He figured that she was a nutcase.

{From Matthew 1:19-21}

But, since he was an 'honorable guy with good character', he decided he'd keep the info private and just forget about her so that the town wouldn't stone her to death for disobeying the law.

Then, he had a dream in which an angel appeared to him and said, "Joseph, Mary isn't crazy. Go ahead and marry her. God really is the Father of the Baby.

She'll have a Son, and you'll name Him Jesus because He's going to save people from their sins."

{From Matthew 1:24-25}

Then Joseph woke up, thought about everything, and decided that He'd do what the angel said. He and Mary were soon married.

And, Joseph and Mary didn't consummate the marriage until after Jesus had been born.

{From Luke 2:1-35}

A little while later, Caesar Agustus wanted to know where people were from, what their annual incomes were, how many children they had, etc. So, he decreed a census.

(This was during Quirinius' reign as governor.)

So, everyone had to travel in heavy traffic until they got back to the homes they had left.

Joseph (great-great-...-grandson of David) left Nazareth, Galilee and went to Bethlehem, Judea (where David was from).

Mary went with him. She was pregnant and fussy. The trip was especially hard on her back and she didn't enjoy it one bit. She wanted a tuna and peanut butter milkshake.

As it turns out, Mary's water broke and she had to give birth in a dung-scented stable in Bethlehem.

She gave birth to her first child, a Son. Then, she wrapped Him up tightly so He'd quit squirming out of the feed-trough. They were only in the stable because the inn had no vacancies. After all, there must have been many returning to Bethlehem for the census.

Not too far away, there was a gang of shepherds making sure their sheep didn't fall off of any cliffs or run away or get run over or eaten by predators.

All of the sudden, a shining man stepped out of nowhere and the area was illuminated by God's utter awesomeness. The shepherds cowered and nearly wet themselves.

Then, the shining man said "It's ok, guys. I've got some awesome news and you're going to be psyched!

Over in Bethlehem, the human incarnation of God was just born. He's going to save the world.

You're not being Punk'd. Look for an infant bundled up in a feed-trough."

Then, out of thin air, a bunch of more shiny, flying angels appeared and started worshiping God and belting out powerful sounding phrases like, "Let the most supreme Glory be to God; the earth be filled with peace and good will towards men!"

This went on for a while. Then, when the angels had gone back into the heavens and the shepherds had regained bladder control, they said to each other, "What the ****!?! That was awesome! We absolutely have to go check it out."

They dropped their sheepsticks and sprinted to the stable. When they caught their breaths again and stopped seeing spots, they found Mary, Joseph, and the Infant.

After they saw Him, they told all their friends and changed their facebook statuses to "*Shepherd's Name* is in awe" and would later comment on each other's pages and video blog it.

All the people who heard their story thought it was freaking awesome.

Mary stayed deep in thought for a while. And Joseph saw her get that look that mothers get all the time.

Then, that same night, the shepherds came back and danced and sang and bowed and worshipped.

Eight days later, the Infant was circumcised and named Jesus because an angel told Mary to name Him that before He was even two-celled.

After the three had waited out the "proper purification waiting time" of the day, they brought Jesus to to the city to be dedicated in a church.

It was the Abrahamic-monotheist thing to do.

They also slaughtered two little birdies according to the law of the Lord.

This old man named Simeon, who was very dedicated to the Scriptures and a really swell guy, had the Holy Spirit on him.

He knew that he wouldn't die before seeing God-On-Earth.

The Spirit led him to the temple. And, Mary and Joseph brought baby Jesus to the altar.

Simon had the honor of holding Him and performing the dedication which went something like this:

"Lord, now I can die happy.

I've seen the One who will save the world.

And, you're going to make this salvation known.

He's going to make the lost Gentiles see how to be saved and bring glory to the Israelites."

And Mary and Joseph blushed and talked in hushed tones wondering how they were supposed to deal with this weird old man saying all of this crazy stuff about their Kid.

Simeon went right on with the ceremony and said a blessing over the parents. Then he looked right at Mary and said,

"This Child is special. He's going to shake things up and bring about a sign that will be denied.

A sword will pierce right into your soul also so that a bunch of secrets will come to light."

Mary hoped she had what it would take to raise the Christ. She started to tear up.

{From Matthew 2:1-11}

After Jesus had been born in Judea in the days of Herod, the king, sages from the East came to Jerusalem.

They started asking, "Where is the Child who has been born King of the Jews? We saw His star to the South West while we were in the East and have come to worship Him.

When Herod heard this, his insecurities and fears led to outrage and made life miserable for the people of Jerusalem.

So, after he called a meeting with all the smartest people in Jerusalem, he asked them where this Christ would be born.

They said he'd be born in Bethlehem, Judea because a prophet had prophesied it:

"Bethlehem, you aren't the least of Judah; for out of you a Ruler will come who will act as Israel's Shepherd."

Then, Herod called a secret meeting with the sages and asked them when the star had appeared. He used their answer to figure out about how old Jesus would be by then.

He then sent the sages to Bethlehem and told them, "When you eventually find this Christ Child, come back and tell me so that I can worship Him too."

The sages left and kept following the star, which they had seen before, until it stood over Jesus' location.

Seeing the star again, the sages were elated and did nerdy dances while giving each other high fives.

After they eventually arrived at the house, they saw the young Child playing with His mother, Mary. Immediately, they bowed down and worshipped Him. Then they gave Him gifts of gold, perfume, and pricey medicine.

Afterwards, an angel warned them in a dream that Herod was a dirty liar and that they should take an alternate route back to their own country. They did so.

On Identity

2008-11-20T10:14:00.000-08:00

A while ago, I was thinking about identity and how it applies to my belief systems. In a nutshell, I was trying to define to myself the identity of God. Then, I got to wondering: if identities are derived from constants, how can anyone define something that is infinite? God has been around since before there was past tense. He's seen every change everywhere. So, if my way of thinking about identity is right, the only thing that could define God is God himself. Then I remembered reading about a dialogue between Moses and God that takes place in Exodus 3.

So, Moses is a little freaked because this bush that's on fire is telling him that God has heard the anguish of the slave nation of Israel, and it's time for the Israelites to go to some sort of utopia occupied by a bunch of crazy barbarian types.

Then, God says, "Go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt." Moses flips. He basically says, "Are you serious, God? I'm pretty lame at parties and things and I don't have any cool talents." (that's a paraphrase, guys) God replies, "Don't sweat it. I''ll be with you. And, I'm freaking awesome." (also a paraphrase) So, Moses knows he has to do what this bush-burning God says. He still has questions, though. Says Moses, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?"

Then God says something really monumental. I had never really paid attention or understood the significance before. He says, "Ehyeh asher ehyeh." which means "I am that I am" or, if you prefer, "I shall be that I shall be."

Do you see how perfect that answer is? He defines His existence using only His existence. Saying just three words, God is implying a whole bunch of things.

God is eternal. To most Christians, this seems like a no-brainer, but I bet there are many who require proof. Here's your proof, doubters. If God wasn't eternal, he would have defined His existence in reference to something else.
God's viewpoint is the only one that matters here. He wasn't given a name by others because He's existed since there were no others.
God never changes. See Malachi 3:6 for confirmation.

It seems then, that this eternal God is the ultimate point of reference. All things can be defined by subsequently higher powers, but the ultimate definition is based on the relationship with God. The New Testament makes it very clear that the only thing that really matters, when everything is said and done, is a person's relationship with God. That's pretty obvious. But, "Ehyeh asher ehyeh." seems to imply that there was a form of Christianity before Jesus.

It makes sense. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob all had very close relationships with The Almighty. "I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven."(Matt. 8:11) So did Elija. "Elijah went up to heaven in a whirlwind." (2Kings 2:11) So, it seems like God was the same before and after Jesus came. To get to heaven before Jesus, a person had to do a bunch of draining rituals and, most importantly have a good relationship with God. After Jesus, it gets easier, but the relationship is still the important thing.

I've chosen to define myself by my loving relationship with Ehyeh. If my beliefs are right, this is the best possible choice. If they're wrong, it doesn't matter anyway. If you're reading this and you haven't chosen yet, I encourage you to do so very soon.

2008-11-12T10:33:00.000-08:00

What is it like to be a bat? I know it's a strange question, but I assure you it's relevant. So, what is it like? Can you imagine it? I doubt it. I can't even imagine it. I've tried and failed each time.

When I try to imagine what it would be like to be a bat, I think about being in the body of a bat. Rather, I imagine I'm blind and I have excellent hearing and can fly and like mosquitoes more than pizza. But, I'm limited in that I can only imagine what it would be like for Curtis the human to be a bat. I've never been Curtis the bat. And, I have no frame of reference from which to draw any sort of inference about what it's like to be a bat.

The problem is consciousness. It is obvious that organisms have physical properties and observable behaviors. Properties and behaviors can be described with a universal sort of clarity we refer to as objectivity. But, consciousness is not such an objective property. In fact, I believe consciousness to be an entirely subjective character of experience. I can describe in depth what a bat does. I can describe in depth what physical properties a bat has. But, I am at a total loss of words to describe what it is like to be a bat to that bat.

Consciousnesses are entirely subjective and unique reference frames through which the world is experienced. I think that consciousness and the mind are linked. Maybe consciousness is the mind...

--Question originally posed by Thomas Nagel in Philosophical Review--

Along the same subject, think about Mary the brilliant neuroscientist. Mary has spent the entirety of her past life in a black and white library. In this library, everything is black and white. Everything Mary has learned about neuroscience has, up to this point, been supplied by a black and white TV and the myriad of books in the library. Mary has recently become absolutely fascinated with tomatoes. She knows that a ripe tomato is round, shiny and red. She knows everything there is to know about the physical characteristics of tomatoes and how to make them grow. Though she has never seen red, has never even seen a color that is not black or white or gray, Mary knows the exact frequency that light must vibrate with in order to produce red.

Today, 5 minutes ago actually, someone unlocked the door to the outside, took Mary by the hand, and brought her to a garden. It was there that, for the first time, Mary saw a ripe tomato.

Did Mary learn anything new?

--Question originally posed by Frank Jackson in The Journal of Philosophy LXXXIII--

If there is something about the experience of seeing red (namely, what it's like) that Mary learns, then the experience is not completely explained by the physical facts alone. I believe that the "what it's like" is the essence of the mind. I know of no better way to convey my impressions about the mind than to point to experience.

Maybe you're wondering, "This is all great, but why should Christians care?" Scripture can answer that.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." -Matt. 22:36-37

It seems pretty hard to love God with your mind if you don't have an understanding of what the mind is. Though I believe the Bible is the most complete resource for insight about truth, I'd never heard a satisfactory explanation of the nature of the mind until I expanded my search for truth into other philosophical texts. This may be alarming to those Christians who feel like the Bible is the only credible source of truth. But, it's not. If God is the God of truth. Then, all truth everywhere is ours.

Paul was well aware of this. When he was ministering to the Athenians he said, "For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.' "-Acts 17:28 For Paul to have known what the poets of the day said, he must have read them. That's kind of like a Christian today gleaning truth from something by Eminem. I know the idea's a little weird, but that's the kind of God I serve. All truth is His. Justin Martyr, a Christian philosopher said, "What anybody has said about the truth belongs to us, the Christians." The fact is, if there is any truth anywhere in the universe that does not fit into the philosophy and lifestyle outlined in the Bible, then Jesus was not the Christ.

I believe that Jesus was and is the Christ. I believe that all truth everywhere is mine. And, I believe that Frank Jackson was onto something. It makes sense that the nature of the mind is the experience, the "what it's like". It fits with the Scriptures.

Based on my Biblical research, I think the "heart" that the authors refer to could also be called "beliefs and desires". I think that the "soul" could be called "ability to choose" or "morality". If what I think is right, then Matt. 22:36-37 could be read something like this:

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your beliefs and desires by being as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. Love the Lord by choosing to refrain from what is wrong and to strive for what is righteous. Love the Lord by keeping a high standard of morality. And, love the Lord by actually doing what is good. Then, you'll be able to tell others what it's like"

11/4/08

2008-11-04T10:29:00.000-08:00

Well, it's happened. The Democratic Party has finally achieved a tri-fecta: Presidency, Senate, House of Representatives. It's been a very long campaign, and Americans have spoken. Their king has come (He's not my king.).

My sincere hope is that the change will truly be for the good. Based on my own observations and on my conversations both with like and unlike-minded individuals, I don't foresee a greater good coming. I see legalized abortion, kindergarden sexual education classes, and further advancement of the homosexual agenda to be recognized as a minority class and thereby gain civil rights. I see incremental tax raises and a general movement towards moral uncertainty and ambiguity. I see change coming.

Our new president seems to me to believe in the power of knowledge and the right of a person to choose what he/she wants regardless of the moral implications of that knowledge. Unfortunately, Obama's pro-choice stance is based in the incredibly limited reality of "right until proven wrong". But, how can an upstanding American citizen disagree with his views? Are they unpatriotic? On the contrary, they resonate with "innocent until proven guilty". What ideal could be more patriotic? They are absolutely patriotic. But, I won't say they're right.

There is an incredible amount of evidence supporting the idea that life begins with fertilization. I hold this view myself. However, I do not believe that awareness begins with fertilization. Does a zygote know it exists? I don't think so. But, as cells multiply and take on the shape of a human, it becomes increasingly harder to tell just when cognizance comes into effect. Tragically, there's a medical double standard in regards to threatening one's life-potential.

Hypothetical Horace, age 7, has just fallen into a comatose state and has likely suffered brain damage enough to make him mentally challenged. Horace's life-potential has taken a sharp turn. Though his life may still be enjoyable for him and others, it is certain that his care-taker just inherited a good deal of day-to-day difficulty. There are now two options:

Difficult - Raise and love Horace.
Easy - Kill Horace while he's unaware.

I grant that the second, easy option might not be so easy if Horace's care-takers have fond memories of life before the impediment. Luckily, this difficulty can be eliminated by reducing Horace's age until memories and relational connection based on experience are no longer part of the equation. For this example, we'll say the necessary age is now 3 seconds old. It is perfectly reasonable to argue that a 3 second old person is unaware he is a person at all. Maybe he physically feels things, but it is reasonable to assume he doesn't comprehend these feelings. So, were he to be killed, the only result would be elimination of Horace's life potential...

Do you see the problem? If it's morally wrong to kill a 7 year old, why should it be any less wrong to kill a 6 year old, a 2 year old, a newborn, an infant being birthed, an infant still in gestation? It is just as wrong, it just doesn't hurt others as much. After killing an unborn baby, there's really no relational reminiscing to do. You don't remember that time you took him to the lake to watch the ducks because, you didn't take him. In fact, you eliminated his potential to ever see those ducks. You didn't even ask what he wanted. Granted, he couldn't communicate even if he had wanted a chance to live and see ducks. But, coma patients can't communnicate. Does that make it okay to stick tongs into their brains and wiggle 'em around untill the steady beeps become one long, flat tone?

No human has the authority to decide if another should live or die. That's why murder is wrong. Hypothetical Dale claims he has the authority to choose whether Horace lives or dies. From where is this authority obtained? If Dale is merely human, then, by Dale's logic, any other human should have the authority to choose whether Dale lives or dies.

People either have a right to live or they have the right to kill and be killed. If people have a right to live, then killing is wrong because it removes the victim's potential to fulfill that right. The two rights are incompatible. One must be, the other must not. I believe people have a right to live. I believe people have souls and minds and are capable of loving and having opinions. I believe that our God-instilled-morality gives us this right to life.

Our new president seems to me to believe in the power of knowledge and the right of a person to choose what he/she wants regardless of the moral implications of that knowledge. He believes that people have the right to live and the right to kill. His election to president is historically relevent in large part because he is part of a minority. And, minorities care that they are minorities because they fear their collective voice won't be heard.

Unborn people are of a different minority. They are incapable of communication. It is assured that their collective voice will not be heard because they have no voices in the first place. How is it that one man, who is now in a position to make the African-American minority voice heard, can give authority to kill another unvoiced minority? Firstly, had another done this while he was once part of that infant minority, he never would have been president. Secondly, the authority to kill is not Obama's to give.

Unfortunately, I can not scientifically prove the presence nor absence of the supernatural entity we call the mind in an unborn child. I doubt there will ever be definitive proof. And, as long as there is not proof, the idea that any progressive stage of a zygote is alive will be left to interpretation. A person could still say that eliminating this progressed zygote's life-potential is "right until proven wrong." And, that person would never be called unpatriotic.

Abortion is just one of the many concerning topics surrounding this coming presidential term. I haven't even started with homosexual "marriage" or economic policies. Needless to say, I am deeply concerned about the state of our national future. I disagree with many of the Democratic Party's views, and the party's primary cause for liberty before morality is not encouraging.

Obama will be the president for at least 4 years (probably only 4 years if he seriously tries to enact change). I currently don't agree with his views. But, I will respect him as he has been entrusted with a great amount of authority. My prayer is that my current concerns are shown to be foolish. I would like nothing more than to be able to look back and say, "I shouldn't have been so upset. It's all worked out for the good." Until that day when my fears are abated though, I will be watching scrutinously and praying steadfastly.

May God help America.

2008-10-15T10:21:00.000-07:00

Warning: The following is a bunch of philosophical mumbo jumbo.

The Paradox of Identity isn't a paradox. It's a series of competing terminologies used to define an abstract idea.

Identity is based on reference points. In an extreme sense, something can only be identified as being different from something else if there is a reference point from which the one thing differs from the other. This is implicit in the very concept of identity. To say that identity has no formal definition is merely to invite a paradox into your own personal reality.

Example: in a spatial reference frame (room of some sort) there exists a green 5kg rubber cube located at (2,2,0)meters. If the "green 5kg rubber cube located at (2,2,0)meters" is moved to (2,1,0), the subject of this example is still a "green 5kg rubber cube". If the "green 5kg rubber cube" subject is deformed into a sphere, the subject is still green, 5kg in mass, and composed of rubber. This process of systematically changing only one property of the subject could be repeated until the subject shared no properties with its initial self. The subject is now a blue 50kg steel sphere located at (2,1,0)meters. The question posed by philosophers is this: does the current subject have the same identity as the initial subject?

My answer to this: it depends on the reference frame. It seems obvious that, since the subject of the discussion has not changed to another object, the current subject must share identities with the initial subject. And, it is also obvious that I can't reference the current subject without first having some frame of reference. But this is getting confusing, so let's assign names. The "green 5kg rubber cube located at (2,2,0)meters" is called Smith. The "blue 50kg steel sphere located at (2,1,0)meters" is called Jones. The question now becomes: is Smith identical to Jones? Do these subjects share an identity? Now, I'd have to say no, they don't. They are in every way discernible from one another. So, because they share no transitive quality, they are in no way identical. They are different. They are not the same. Actually, there is one transitive quality: Smith becomes Jones. We know this is true because the subject of the sentence has always been the previous subject with 1 change in property. But, if the subject wasn't the subject I would be talking about nothing... So, I can't talk about a thing with out talking about it and thereby providing a reference frame... This is becoming too abstract to consider. We need something concrete to discuss.

All of this rambling is mere nonsense if there is no practical application, so I shall provide one: You. What is your identity? Look at a picture of yourself from 5 minutes ago/5 days ago/5 years ago. Are you the same person? Define the following word: I.

This universe in which we live is entirely relational. "That the universe is relational" is a continuous property of the universe. Because it doesn't change, I can define the universe.

Living in this universe consists of comparisons of states from reference frames. These comparisons tend to fluctuate as time goes on and nature "works its course". Our bodies are constantly changing. Therefore, they can act only as an instantaneous identifier. Our thoughts are also constantly changing. What can be done to identify one person from another?

I have a proposition. We should give names to each other. We could also identify persons from one another by cause and effect. When two people are responsible (physically speaking) for the creation of a third, we will call the responsible male "Father" and the female "Mother". The created third will be called the "Child" or "Offspring" of the father and mother. These qualities will never change and can therefore be used as an unchanging, constant identifier. That a child's mother and father continue to be his/her mother and father is constant. The relation persists. It does not change or fluctuate.

The father and mother should issue the child his/her name. It would be fitting. Obviously, the child will be too young when it is born to even grasp the idea of a name. So, it wouldn't be prudent to name it "goobleeburwaaaa" or whatever we thought it was saying. Now, this child will be forever identified as [Name], [son/daughter] of [father] and [mother]. We should record all of this on a document and include with it a frame of reference for the child. By having this frame of reference the child will be able to live relationally and sensibly (or so we hope). It can be arbitrary, but it needs to be a thing that happens only once and never again or else things will get confusing for the child... How about the date? Yes, that should work. We will issue this child a "Date of Birth" from which he/she can calculate the number of days he/she has lived among human beings. Then, he/she can make relational comparisons and have an identity. The world can make sense to the child.

This lengthy situational description only serves to show that, indeed, the universe is relational. It's implicitly understood that when a person "A" says for another "B" to "define" a word "shroobiness", A wants B to put shroobiness into terms that are somehow constant but are also capable of being referenced. So, when A says, "Shroobiness is that feeling you get after sitting in a chair (or other sort of furniture) that is already warm from someone else's having just previously sat in it." B can now perfectly comprehend shroobiness. A now knows that he feels shrooby. A knows what it means to feel shrooby. Shroobiness depends on relative temperatures, furniture of a sort (relative shapes of solid materials), time (ralative to when the other person left the chair), and relative posture. The word has been defined. It has been described using relational concepts.

If this seems false, define something that depends on nothing else's point of reference. Then put it in the comments.

The Paradox of Identity:

Some things persist.
If thing "X" and thing "Y" are identical, then every property X has is one that Y has also. (This is the "Indiscernibility of Identicals")
If something persists, then it has an age at one time and another age at another time.

The paradox applies to self identity. I.E. looking at a picture of your past self and saying "That's me". According to these premises, "that" is not "me"...well, you in this case. Present You is older than Past You. So, you aren't identical with your past self. If you're not identical, you share no identity... Are you the same person? Are you still yourself? You have persisted. You have had different ages at different times. Then, is your identity the same? It appears as though the first premise must be false. But, it also appears as though you still exist...paradox.

As was stated earlier though, The Paradox of Identity isn't a paradox. It's a series of competing terminologies used to define an idea. According to the second premise, X and Y are identical only if there is no difference between them. Identity is thereby turned into a binary sort of quality. Either they are identical or they aren't. But, if "they" are identical, "they" must occupy the same space so they have the same spatial property. So, "they" are really just "it". There can be no 2 identical things. Identical twins don't exist. If you previously knew any identical twins, say a prayer for them...they no longer exist. That's the essence of Premise 2.

Premise three says that "If something persists, then it has one age at one time and another at another time". Wait a minute, if that's true and if "Some things persist", then persistence must allow for a change in age (time property). But, the thing that persists is then not identical to its previous self. It loses its identity in time. Now, it's back to denying the truth of the first premise.

The problem in the premises is the lack of an outer reference frame. If a definition is truly a relational quality, and our minds really only understand concepts or ideas as they relate to other concepts or ideas, then the "Paradox" quality of the argument disappears when we give the "persisting things" names. We could give them any constant identifier to bring end to the paradox. Let me explain further.

John persists in that he continues to be John and to carry the qualities of himself. When those qualities change, he is still John. His identity remains intact through change because he has a reference frame in which nothing changes. In his name-reference frame, he has a name: John. That never changes, so he always has an identity. However, his identity does change. One could visualize an identity as an infinitely long check list of relational qualities that one either does or doesn't have. If identity can be viewed that way, a person can have a changing identity. But, his current identity is never identical to his past identity.

John persists.
If "20 year-old John" and "40 year-old John" are identical, then every property "20 year-old John" has is one that "40 year-old John" has also. (This is the "Indiscernibility of Identicals")
If John persists, then he has an age at one time and another age at another time.

Now, these premises are all true. Simply put, "20 year-old John" is not identical to "40 year-old John". So there is no paradox at all.

The Philosophy of Miracles and How It Relates to Jesus Christ

2008-10-08T09:07:00.000-07:00

I had a new (to me) idea today while struggling with mentally digesting the PHL 301 lecture about freedom. I believe that Jesus used His entire brain. My thought requires some background information:

It is currently believed that humans do not use all of their brain. They use some X% where X < 100.
It is currently believed that the amount of brain a human can access directly relates to intelligence and any abilities requiring mental function.
Hume (and many of his readers) believed (/believe) that a cause is any 1st event which leads to an effect or 2nd event, the occurrence of which depends entirely on the 1st. Also, the energy of every natural cause dictates only one possible natural effect. I paraphrase Hume's belief in this way: If a thing happens that doesn't follow our natural universal laws, then our natural universal laws are too general. They must be redefined in a more precise way such that the thing that happened follows from those laws.
4. Miracles are events that do not follow current natural laws.

In the past, taking a "potion" or concoction of certain ingredients was thought to magically, miraculously lead to something else. In the case of that something else being a remedy to a known sickness, we now know that the potion ingestion did not cause a miracle. We understand the interactions of elements definded by their atomic structures (somewhat). And, through this understanding, we can now manufacture medicinal potions (solid, liquid, or gaseous) that naturally lead to cure.

So, the effect (the curing of a particular sickness) is understood to be caused by the administering of the specialized potion. We observe this remedy to happen regularly in the world, so we call this remedy the effect. Likewise, we believe that the administering of the medicinal potion is the cause. If, for a reason outside of our knowledge, the medicine didn't lead to remedy, we would say that the remedy based on the administering of this particular potion is not a law of nature. We would then, most likely, investigate the situation further in hopes of knowing all relevant aspects of the situation. If we knew all relevant aspects, we could eventually deduce what it was that stopped the potion from working or what it was the potion did if it didn't ever cause the remedy in the first place. Then, we'd revise our law based on our findings.

This is the scientific method. It operates under the premise that all events are caused. How does this all relate to Jesus?

The fact is clear that the physical body of Jesus is no longer testable for my hypothesis. So, until I ask Jesus in person or someone comes up with a provable explanation, it will remain hypothetical. Nevertheless, I believe the evidence (Biblical truth) suggests that Jesus used 100% of His brain.

I believe Jesus walked on water. I believe Jesus used 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes to feed 5000 men and many other women and children. I believe Jesus healed the sick, the maimed, the handicapped, the ill. Based on my current understanding of the interactions of atoms and natural laws, I'll try to explain what would be required to happen in any of the given situations.

For Jesus to walk on water, He would have had to have some amount of control over the positioning of the water molecules. I think that he excited the H2O in such a way that some area under each of his feet became less dense (more buoyant) and more solid. It would be like Him stepping on very carefully formed pieces of ice (or some mixture of ice and slush and liquid water) that would support His weight. I don't know which of many possible shapes of ice/slush/liquid he used, but I'm pretty sure no current technology allows their replication. So, that doesn't really matter. What does matter is Jesus' ability to initially fathom what shape would be condusive to walking on without sinking, then his ability to excite the atoms themselves, then his ability to control exactly how each atom was excited.

It is currently believed that atoms are excited into "energy states" and that the excitement can be achived using electricity. Example: solid water (ice) can be turned into liquid water by exciting the atoms with heat. The heat is generated with electricity.

It is also currently believed that muscle movements are caused by the excitement of the atoms in our muscles. That excitement is caused by the reception of electrical impulses which usually come from the brain. How exactly do we cause the brain to excite or "flex" a certain muscle? We just do it. We learn how in some currently indefinable way, then we remember what it felt like, then we just do it. By drawing on our memory, we are able to control the movements. Athletes are those who are more apt to physical control. Usually, the control has developed from practice. It is currently believed that practice of a certain movement tends to cement the memory of that movement in our mind by creating a neural pathway and thereby allowing access to more of the brain.

Based on these beliefs, it is my current belief that access to 100% of the brain would lead to perfect muscle control. What occurred to me is the possibility of the universe acting like a muscle to a person with total neural mastery. Is it possible that access to 100% of the brain would lead to a perception to that effect? No one can say for sure because no one with 100% access currently exists in a scientifically testable state.

However, I believe that Jesus had total neural mastery, and for Jesus to perform any of the many miracles He performed, He merely had to "flex" the universe in His immediate vicinity.

He flexes the water, and it supports Him much like our flexing our legs causes us to be supported.
He flexes the atoms near the loaves and fish. Then, when he breaks the loaves, the atoms nearby rearrange themselves into the elemental structure of bread. The same happens when he breaks the fish. He could do this without creating matter. ( Maybe he created matter to do it, but since matter creation hasn't happened enough in an observable environment to be the effect of a cause, I have no idea how it would work.)
He flexes the atoms in the bodies of the sick and causes them to reallign into healthy arrangements or change form into healthy types.

If Jesus thought of the universe as entirely in His control, if Jesus knew that He could merely flex the world to cause "miracles" to happen, then He'd have no problem telling His disciples that they are capable of and will do greater works than He. It makes sense. Jesus stayed on earth for a short time; His disciples have been around ever since and for much longer. He'd have no problem telling a mountain to move knowing that it could be flexed into movement. He'd have no problem telling a fig tree to produce no more fruit knowing that its cellular structure could be flexed into a position to accomidate that wish.

So, why didn't Jesus heal everyone everywhere if all He had to do was flex? I think that's where faith comes into play.

Not much is known about faith. I mean, I know much more about how oranges come into existance than I do about how faith does. Orange seeds are planted, then watered and sunned. Sooner or later, an orange tree sprouts. It continues to grow by drinking the water and eating the sunlight until it can produce oranges. I pretty sure there's no such thing as a physical "faith seed" that would grow into a "faith tree" to produce faith. I haven't experienced much growing of faith other than first hand. And, my faith is limited. Therefore, my knowledge is also limited. However, I believe that "Faith comes through hearing and hearing through the Word of God" (Romans 10:17). I don't know how it comes through hearing. But, I have a theory.

It is currently believed that paralysis of a muscle is caused by the lack of neural connections from the brain to the paralyzed muscular region. Nerves act as a sort of "influence determiner". Without the necessarry alignment of nerves, the muscle doesn't flex. The muscle can't flex. However, with the necessarry alignment, the nerves do flex. The nerves, in this sense, determine whether or not the muscle is flexible.

I think that faith is a collection of spiritual nerves. It doesn't seem like too grand a mental leap to assert either.

Example: If, during a trust-testing game, a person closes her eyes and, unsure of the outcome, drops off a presipice into the possibly outstretched arms of her peers, she is said to have "a lot of nerve" or "guts". Or, she is said to have taken "a leap/step of faith".

I believe that faith brings into the realm of possibility certain "currently unimmaginable acts" or "miracles". Believing this, I must claim the following: Faith is the determining factor in Jesus' ability to influence the universe.

If this were true, it would make sense that Peter could walk on the water only while he maintained his faith in Jesus' ability to support him. While he believed, Jesus' influence extended through Peter and to the water underneath his feet. When he doubted, his faith was limited. Because of which, Jesus' ability to manipulate (flex) the atoms near Peter was diminished. Parts of the structure of water failed, so Peter started slipping under the waves. Jesus would know that Peter doubted. Had Peter not doubted, Jesus' water structure would not have failed.

If this were true, it would make sense for Jesus to say "Your faith has made you whole." (Mark 5:34). For, Jesus wanted to heal, but the existence of free will (and causally faith) makes "supernatural healing" or "miracles" impossible when faith is absent. The only determining factor in healing would then be faith which would create the "spiritual nerve" connection to enable flexing.

If this were true, it would make sense that "It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9) We wouldn't be doing the flexing of soul. We just allow it to be done. When we have that faith, we create a connection for Christ to use. We give Jesus influence over the soul. And, He is then able to change it, able to flex it, into an acceptable state.

If this were true, it would make sense for Jesus to say "You of little faith" (Matt. 8:26) to the disciples scared of a storm. Jesus had the faith to flex the winds and waves. And, though it would require some effort that would, presumabley, eventually lead to the exhaustion of One Who Is Wholly God and Wholly Man, it would never be too great of an effort as to be impossible. It would merely require faith.

If this were true, it would make sense that Jesus (whose faith was ultimate) could survive for 40 days without eating food. He could just flex His body to survive off the atoms in the immediate vicinity without requiring nutrition through digestion. Although, it would also seem that such a great feat of mind would not be desireable while bread is present. So, He would most likely prefer to eat and would take pleasure in the easyness of it... which He did.

I am led to believe that this idea of faith is true and that Jesus Christ really did have and does have influence over those areas where faith is present. And, my belief and my faith are strengthened by the first-hand witnessing of supernatural healing. I know the man who touched those who were healed. I know that he was a man of great faith. He didn't know how to arrange the atoms so that the body they inhabited would be healthy again. He didn't do the flexing. He acted as a conduit for Jesus' influence. Jesus did the flexing. He was just a vessel of sorts.

Because of these beliefs that I now hold, I am forced to redefine my idea of natural law. I no longer believe that these things can be called miracles. They are absolutely amazing to witness or even just think about. But, I don't call them miracles in the sense that I once did. They are mere instances of an Absolute Capability being exercised through a faith conduit. And, this line of thought seems to be true, in line with all beliefs I currently hold as truths, and in line with the Holy Spirit. So, I will believe it is truth and live as though I do believe it. Hopefully, my faith will develop to a place where I can do "greater acts than these" (the ones Jesus did).