MOVING DAY!

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Just Thoughts

I think there's more to explore in this idea, but I thought I'd share it anyway.


Regarding salvation, I've faced a great deal of mental difficulty in trying to resolve the dichotomy that is described in the "free will vs. predestination" argument.


If we're free, how can God know what we're going to do?  But, if he doesn't know, then He's not really omniscient.  He is omniscient... Is predestination (the theory of God's having hand-picked certain people to follow Him before creation even happened) the only option?


I see the disconnect.  Recently, I can't help but wonder if it is a result of our way of knowing.


Our "knowing" is faithless. It comes after. We see something, then we extrapolate meaning from that thing. And, we "know" that meaning because we have seen proof of it. Before this proof, we could've only theorized or guessed. To us, things that are knowable are reoccurring. So, our way of "knowing" is based on the fact that we are not in control. If I was in direct control of a situation, I could know something without need for proof. I could also know something before it happened. I could know something before the "how" of the knowing ever came into question.  


Perhaps, God "knows" everything simply because He is in control, and not because everything has been determined already...

Chicken Nuggets

Sometimes, I wonder if God is just banging His head on the fridge when He thinks about me. I wonder because, for all of my witticisms and efforts to charm and banter with ease, I get spiritually retarded every once in a while. In fact, most of the time that I'm just not getting it, I don't even realize how off I am.

I heard Donald Miller give an interesting message on Father's Day '09 [Yes, I realize it was 7 months ago... see above]. Actually, I don't remember much of it. But, the fact that I'm bringing it up now means that what I do remember must have been interesting. He talked about this time he had dinner with a very nice family. In this family was a 4 year old girl who had just discovered the wonder that is the chicken nugget.

As everyone sat around the table waiting to enjoy the meal the mother and father were setting out, the little girl, having surveyed the scene and having realized there were no nuggets on the table, scrunched up her nose and asked in a slightly perturbed 4-year-old squeak, "Where are the chicken nuggets?".

The father calmly replied, "We aren't having chicken nuggets tonight."

Immediately, the cogs began turning in the child's mind and the civility of her countenance faded. She did what all children do when they can't get their way. She threw a fit. Wailing and screaming and crying out against the injustice of her father's tyrannical rule [obviously using smaller words], she was making quite a raucous when her father sat back and said, "I've got all night. You're not getting chicken nuggets. Come to the table and eat what I've prepared for you."

Can you hear the echoes of your own story in his words?  I can definitely hear mine.

Frequently, I am of the opinion that my problems are vast and possibly paradigm shifting.  Of course, I'm talking about a very localized paradigm shift.  However, I tend to be pretty narcissistic when it comes to problems, so any uncontrolled changes in my life seem pretty huge to me.

Thanks to this story, I have begun to realize just how menial and insignificant are the major problems of my life when compared to an infinitely vast, infinitely experienced, infinitely benevolent God.  He has the big picture, and I'm just a whiny kid [in a spiritual sense].  In my ignorance, I don't appreciate all of the things God does for my well being.  I have no idea about nutrition and spiritual vitamin deficiencies [work with me on the metaphor here].  I just want the chicken nuggets that brighten up my evenings.

In my seemingly unshakable state of ignorance, I fail to realize that what I want may not be what's best for me.  What I want may not be what I need.  My own desires may not be enough to sustain me completely.  They might just be chicken nuggets.

That's not even the craziest part.  The craziest part is how important my chicken nuggets are to me.  And, I seriously doubt that I'm alone in this.  How many of us continue to pray about the same things over and over until prayer becomes a chore.  We pray to remind God that we're still passionate about that one thing that we're always bringing up.  We pray to get what we want and attempt to maintain some aspect of control instead of praying His kingdom come and His (sometimes incredibly mysterious and terrifying) will be done.  We pray to stagnate instead of to grow.  Well, at least I do.

So, what exactly is it about the unknown that's so scary?  Why fear boiled asparagus?  Do we think that our God, who cooks up some really amazing stuff, will give us something unpalatable?  Maybe.  But, shouldn't we, in that case, realize that He's just giving us what we need to grow?  Maybe before we scrunch our noses, we should remember that God has made preparations for us that take more into account than we realize.  Before we scrunch our noses, we should remember that God has been around for eternity.  I imagine He has an incredibly sophisticated palate.   And, the things we hold onto so tightly and yearn for so stubbornly: they might just be chicken nuggets.

At the end of the day,  however long the day is, we're not getting what we whine for anyway.  We just need to sit down at the table and eat what He has prepared for us.  Now, I'm not saying that we give up on chicken nuggets forever.  That would be a horrible mistake.  We do, however, need to realize that chicken nuggets are best when we don't have to whine for them.

Too often, I treat the problems I'm praying about with such an intense gravity that God probably chuckles.  Too often, I fail to remember that everything is within His grasp.  I fail to remember that He truly is in control.  He's the one with the mysterious plastic card that works outside of my understanding, while I'm just a little kid trying to understand what happiness is.  With hardly a thought and a swipe, I could be given the box of nuggets I want so badly...but only if the time is right.  And, I don't get to make that call.

This is a bit extensive for an analogy, but I sometimes find it so accurate that it's scary.  That needs to change.

It's taken a while, but this story has slowly shifted my perception of the worth of my problems to God. It's terrifying and beautiful.  I mean, I'm a little selfishly disappointed sometimes when I realize that my problems are just chicken nuggets.  More so though, I'm in awe of the vastness of God.  How could I even think that my problems are so important?  My greatest fears and most difficult challenges are as insignificant to God as chicken nuggets.  In fact, everyone's fears and challenges are just chicken nuggets.  Still, he loves us.  Still, he wants to spend His time with us.  He loves us even when we whine and throw fits.

I guess that's what it all comes back to in the end.  He loves us regardless.  It's truly unconditional...

My prayer is that God would expand our palates and we would accept what He prepares for us even when it doesn't include chicken nuggets.

Something To Consider

Important Note: Johnny and Greg are fictional characters with names that I consider to be common. If you are named Johnny or Greg/you have a friend named Johnny or Greg, you're crazy if you think I'm talking about you/them.

That said, consider the following hypothetical situation:

Johnny is a slave to his sins. He knows that he's a bad person, but isn't convinced that following Christ is a better way to live. His words are poison, and his acts despicable. However, he is of such a disposition that he would accept that Christ's Way is better if certain conditions were met. Johnny has no idea what these conditions are. But, they are the type of conditions that many nonbelievers unknowingly possess.

God knows what these conditions are and lovingly longs for these conditions to be met. His love is extraordinary, for He yearns to welcome Johnny into His family despite Johnny's horendously storied past. The Holy Spirit moves upon Greg, His follower, urging him to do a thing, the thought of which makes Greg feel uncomfortable. This uncomfortable thing would result in the meeting of those conditions that would lead to Johnny realizing that Christ's Way really is the best. Unfortunately, Greg isn't really listening to the Spirit. He's having a particularly difficult day. His expectations have been defied; he's feeling pretty down. The opportunity is missed.

The week proceeds as it normally would for Johnny. And, after a raucous weekend party, Johnny drives himself home in a dazed stupor. His drive, and his life are cut short by a lapse in judgement that results in a head-on collision with a tree.

Johnny had made most of his decisions in life carefully. However, the most important decision, choosing Christ, was one that he never made. Now, he realizes the consequences of his mistake. But, it's too late. The death he dies stays with him as he discovers the horrors of seperation from the Creator. His eternity will be a hopeless collection of the wages of his sins [Romans 6:23].

Greg has no idea. He never finds out. His only clue to the life-altering opportunity he missed is a slight feeling of emptiness. To Greg, its just "one of those days".

It should not be misunderstood that Greg is a man who walks in righteousness. He is an inspiration to his Christian brothers and sisters and a joy to be around. It was just a missed opportunity. That's all. It was just one time, one day, that Greg "just wasn't feeling very spiritual". He had no idea that God was planning to use his crappy day to reveal the beauty of Christ to Johnny. Greg had no idea that his particular circumstances could have been used to glorify God and bring salvation to Johnny, who was just as precious to the Lord as Greg. He had no idea because He "just wasn't feeling very spiritual".

-----

I just thought of this situation after reading through the beginning of Romans. Chapter 4, verse 5 speaks of a God who justifies the wicked. That's our God. He welcomes all the scum to Him and loves us. I guess the Spirit is really moving on me tonight, because this hit me really hard. I started typing, and this is what has come out. And, the horrific gravity of this situation is really hitting me because I know there have been days where I might have been a Greg. I wonder how many Johnny's have been lost to sin on account of my selfish ignorance. It shakes the core of me to think of it...

I've been struggling lately with the idea of free will and predestination and all that. Part of me keeps protesting the unfairness of His love as if it's something to be protested. I wonder sometimes how God, whose will is that none shall perish [2 Peter 3:9], could create those whose choices will lead them to destruction. I realize now that my objections have been falsely based on my previous assumption that men somehow deserve life. The wisdom of the Spirit has led me to to the realization of the falsehood of this assumption.

God, in His incredible, awesome, terrifying love for us, has given us the ability to reject Him. I believe He has done this because love requires choice. It cannot be forced. Love is a series of actions and decisions. It's breath-taking and heart-moving and wonderful. It's so many things. Describing love stretches the bounds of the language in which it is described as it challenges the understanding of the one striving to describe it. Love is a life-filled and life-filling word.

Love is most assuredly unsafe. For, love requires the possibility of rejection. I can't help but think that the intense vulnerability required by love, its total inability to be forced, may be one of its most beautiful aspects. God, in His incredible, awesome, terrifying love for us, has given us the ability to reject Him.

In His overwhelming goodness, God creates us and gives us the freedom to choose. Perhaps we, in our unbound narcissim, protest the state of things. "It's not fair!" we say. "This world is in shambles. Its brokenness is palpable. How can we accept a God who allows the world to be like this?"

We forget that this brokenness is only apparent where goodness lacks. And, we observe this lack because we are already aware of God's present goodness. We complain only when we ignore our own awareness of the fact that we are presently living in a world in which God also lives. His divine attributes are clearly recognizable because we are His creation. So, we have no excuse. [Romans 1:20]

Man lives in the recognition of the presence of an infinitely loving God. And still, man rejects God. The excuses are totally lacking in substance. Man deserves to die. Man deserves separation. But God has other plans.

God wants to save the world. That's why He sent Jesus.

I'm typing this now after having been given a piercingly thorough education on the incredible magnitude of the implications of Christ's death and resurrection. But, I'm still dumfounded at the thought of it. The nearest analogy I can think of is wholly inadequate. But, I'll do my best to explain my disorientation.

It's like this... Suppose I were to create little snowmen out of play-doh. Suppose that I created them, and was miraculously able to give these things sentience. Then, suppose one of the pink ones decides that he'd rather squish himself into strings and painfully reassemble himself than spend time with me. He doesn't like that I won't talk to him when he looks like spaghetti. He thinks I cramp his style. I imagine I would be greatly offended. I'm not sure that I'd be emotionally hurt, but I can definitely imagine becoming angry at this pink one and the multitudinous following that has started making tawdry shapes out of my name and smoothing out the impressions my fingerprints left when I made them.

Now, I don't have a son. So, I am at a loss when it comes to describing father-son relationships unless I do so from the side of the son (in which case, the words would practically type themselves). Still, it would be absolutely ridiculous for me to sacrifice anything precious to me (especially something as precious as my son) in order to recruit the allegiance of any of these worthless play-doh snowmen. I just can't imagine it. But God can.

God has such a supreme softness of Spirit that He can love sentient dirt sculptures. I'm totally dumbfounded at the thought and simultaneously overwhelmed by it. What claim could I, a sentient dirt sculpture, possibly make that would warrant me to deserve even a moment with my Creator. There is no claim. No one is less deserving. Yet, He, The Great and Mighty, wants to spend eternity with me. And, he doesn't want me to sit on a mantle or anything. He wants us to get to know each other. He wants to party. And, He KNOWS how to party. (His Son's first miracle was saving a party in distress [John 2:1-11].)

What's more, He's told me to invite others. He's given me the power to represent Him to everybody in the hope that more will join us in our never-ending party. So, how incredibly selfish am I if I don't invite everybody? Answer: really really extremely mind-bogglingly selfish. As selfish as Greg was without even realizing it.

My prayer is that we, as priests in the Kingdom of Heaven, whose job it is to accurately represent our loving God to everyone else, would be constantly sensitive to the sometimes uncomfortable promptings of the Holy Spirit. My prayer is that we wouldn't be too caught up in just trying to survive the day that we forget to live like we're going to party for eternity. My prayer is that we, as the Body of Christ, would overcome our ignorance by the power of the Spirit in us [Acts 1:8], with which all things are made possible [Matt. 19:26].

Though this is as much for me as it is you, don't ignore that feeling you're feeling right now. It's deliberate. Let it soften you and inspire you to love as you are loved. Because, you are very loved. You are beyond precious. Never forget that. Live like you haven't forgotten that. The God who lovingly created you knew you'd read this. It's for you, right now. If you listen, right now, the Spirit will speak to you. Don't let this be a Greg moment.

They lined the streets with silence, a somber sense of reflection filling the void of their words. A hero was gone...

He was not gone by his own choice. He had been full of life. It spilled out of the laughter that inevitably followed all of his escapades. We couldn't help but love him. There was life in every hug he gave and hand he shook. He was full of it. It infected everyone around him. The choice of death was not in him.

They smiled softly as their memories ran to him, stayed with him. Slowly, the memories turned into stories to be shared. Though their smiles faded as eyes clouded with the regret of time lost, the depth of their feelings lingered on. They were filled with sorrow at having to reminisce so soon. But, they did. And, though the joy of experience was now changed into mere fondness of memory, it brought color to the dark situation...

Life infected everyone around him. It was contagious. Sometimes, it seemed like he was immune to the gravity of severe situations, as if pressure couldn't find him. He had a certain lightness of spirit. However, he was not without a sense of honor. He had honor to spare. Indeed, it was an honor just to know him. He brought everyone around him to their most lively states. His life could only be described as "full". The choice of death was not in him.

There they stood in the darkness, the silence pierced only by the toll of their grief, each tear ringing out a haunting, "Why?". The toll was great, though they knew the answer before their aches asked the question. The answer was a small comfort...

Though the choice of death was not in him, his great sense of honor led him to sacrifice. His comfort for our comfort. His freedom for our freedom. His life for our lives. It was a sacrifice made necessary by a war much bigger than he was. And, I'm absolutely sure that, had he known the great cost, he would have chosen sacrifice every time the chance was presented. He wasn't one to back down. He was a doer through and through. And, his final act, fighting for the freedom of so many, touched us all. His sacrifice was much bigger than he was.

They knew he had died for them. And, their grief was overwhelming. The pressure that couldn't find him instead found them and loosed their tears. Tears of sorrow and fondness and anguish and remembrance and love. And, the only comfort they found was in Christ. For, he had been a follower. They knew it was only a matter of time. They would see him again in a place full of life, devoid of the anguish and sorrow of loss. They would see him again, so they knew it was only a matter of time. Still, their tears rang out for the time with him that they had lost...

Slowly, healing will come. Slowly, the scar of sorrow will mend. But, it will not be forgotten. He will never be forgotten.

-In Loving Memory of Shawn Patrick Hefner

12/04/1986 - 11/13/2009

Life Changes

If you read my posts before this, you know I'm a bit frustrated with the current state of evangelism at UT. That frustration is probably the closest I've ever come to a feeling of righteous indignation (I'm not sure it is possible to be righteously indignant, but the phrase will probably bring an accurate picture to the minds of those in "my circle" who read this). I think the frustration is the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I think so because it has "born fruit". In my frustrated sauntering, an idea hit me that seems beautiful and daunting to me. I don't usually think of ideas that are simultaneously beautiful and daunting, so I'm confident this idea is more of the Holy Spirit's prompting.

Here's the deal: UT is filled with an incredible amount of passionate people who are probably more aware of the importance of life than they have ever been before. This awareness inspires them to act in accordance with their beliefs so that others might catch whatever visions they have. And, the most visible, action is "tabling". Organization representatives rent tables from the UT Tower and set them up in the adjacent West Mall, probably the most frequented place on campus. The representatives talk to passersby about the values of their organization and try to illicit membership or funds or give away SWAG [Stuff We All Get] or literature containing organizational information.

I pass these people on a regular basis when I'm going in and out of the Texas Union (which has incredibly comfy chairs upstairs that are excellent for naps, on two of which I am currently sitting). I pass these people, but I'd never thought much about them until I spent the day listening to the leading of the Spirit. Finally, I did think about them. Thought:

"Why hasn't anybody set up a table to champion the love of Christ to whoever's interested?"

There is nothing I'm more passionate about than the awesome love of Jesus Christ. He died for our sins so He could be resurrected and free us from them. But, I have never dedicated even part of my schedule to spreading the news about it. I've dedicated blocks of time to studying all of the implications of this fact, to my own spiritual self improvement. But, I've learned nothing if I haven't learned the importance of sharing the good news. Things are taking a turn for the better now. My life is being changed by an inspiration for action. This "tabling for Jesus" idea has been ruling my think-space for a while now. And, it has definitely been a God thing.

I think it's pretty crazy how unintentionally synchronized the church can be. I don't mean that the church intends to be chaotic or anything. Obviously, pastors and speakers want to say the things God puts on their hearts. But, there's no published nationwide agenda for Christian teachers that I've ever seen. Still, it's not uncommon for the messages from different church bodies to coincide with each other.

My dormant passion for evangelism was rekindled first by a message given by Matt Carter at the Austin Stone. He spoke on the first chapter or two of the book of Acts. In his sermon, he pointed out something I'd never noticed before. Acts 1:8 says

You shall receive power after the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria and the end of the earth.

The part I'd never noticed is the "you shall be" part. You shall be. That means, what we are after the Holy Spirit begins to dwell with us is witnesses. We are witnesses. Until I heard that, I thought I was an engineering student who was also a follower of Christ. But, that's not the case. I'm a follower of Christ who is also an engineering student. Everything that defines me is secondary to my being a witness. The Holy Spirit comes upon you. Then, you shall be. It's so definite and final. You shall. It's not an optional thing that you can choose not to participate in or something. Witnessing is not what you do, it's who you are. This blew my mind.

The Thursday following that Sunday message, I went to my small church meeting (West Campus Community Group). The topic of discussion? That's right: evangelism. It was pretty perfect because I had been reading 1 Peter which is full of instructions for believers and includes a verse that I've always clung to for motivation:

Sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear. 1 Peter 3:15

Turns out, that was the first verse that was brought up in discussion. Afterwards, I told the mini-church about the "tabling for Jesus" concept and was met with excitement. Since I had to rush off to tutoring, I couldn't stay around long to talk ideas, but I had already collected the necessary form to make it happen. So, I gave that to my friend (and Student Organization Chair), Austin, to sign. He's going to talk to the Hyde Park youth group leader to make sure everything we think to be okay really is okay. Afterwards, we're doing this.

I'm excited, to say the least.

The following weekend, I went to church with my parents while I was in SA. The sermon, as it turns out, was about 1 Peter 3:15. So, I guess I need to be ready now more than ever...

To me, this whole series of events is pretty awesome. It's like God has spoken to me, and everything is just lining up and falling into my lap. Honestly, I am a little terrified of sitting there at the table, having no clue what will happen. But, I know that I'm in this specific place at this specific time because I've been lead here. So, this is just the next thing to do.

If you're reading this, and you haven't spent a day listening to the Spirit, I think it's time you do. Crazy awesome things happen when God speaks.

Regardless

Sometimes, my life doesn't go along with my plan for it. I'm a planner. I spend a great deal of time thinking about what is to come. In fact, I probably spend more time thinking about the future than I do the present. Naturally, with all that thinking comes planning. I don't think I'm very unique in that aspect either. Of course, I tend to think that everyone is similar to me. Still, I've never met someone who had no answer when I asked, "What's your plan?"

Sometimes, my life doesn't match up with the plans. And, it's frustrating and confusing. It's frustrating because plans tend to lead to expectations. It's incredibly difficult to never expect anything. It's confusing because I love Christ. My entire identity is encapsulated in Him. Without Him, who is Curtis? I have no idea. So I seek further intimacy with Him all the time. I long to see as He would see and decide as He would decide. What's more, I have this great resource in the Bible to draw upon for direction. The Bible is full of situations similar to mine regardless of which situation I'm in at the time. And, knowing all of this, it becomes easier to recognize which way would be right; not most right necessarily, but right none the less.

When something in life doesn't match the plans, two options are presented: resist what doesn't match or change the plans. Actually, there are many more options, but simplicity is nice. Anyway, it's rarely easy to be sure which of the two options is best to take. That's where things get confusing.

At times like those, it's important to remember that we don't know the whole story. Information is incredibly limited. I guess the only feasible option is the unlisted one: wait on God. He knows what's behind everything: the reasons, intentions, actions. He knows where it's all going. He knows which way is most right. He knows and leads when we wait. So, waiting is the only option. If only it were as easy to do as it is to type...